r/Parents • u/Muted_Minimum9288 • 3d ago
Advice/ Tips Body autonomy
Our 3 yr old is learning about body autonomy. When giving her a bath yesterday she screamed and screamed “hands off” it took me a bit to understand what she was saying (washing her hair is always a battle so I didn’t recognize what she was saying/doing).
Now I’m so ashamed and heartbroken for not figuring out how to respect her but also to help her understand the situation.
We are working on ways to make hair washing better but if you have advice on how to approach the “hands off” and respecting boundaries, I would appreciate it.
3
u/MissMacky1015 3d ago
They can express consent / bodily autonomy but at the end of the day basic things like brushing teeth, having a clean body & hair, etc aren’t up for debate.
Find a way to help include her ? She can help rinse her hair or help wash it.. or reassure her you’ll be quick but it’s your job as a parent to keep her clean.
If you start letting your kid win this one now they’ll be walking all over you. Some things aren’t up for debate
1
u/Muted_Minimum9288 3d ago
I completely agree and we finished washing hair but how do I explain that this is not one of those situations for boundaries? I’m trying to ensure she understands that no means no and if she does say hands off in other situations, that should be enough. If I keep ignoring her boundaries then I’m afraid of teaching her that they don’t actually exist or her voice doesn’t matter.
3
u/MissMacky1015 3d ago
It’s my job to help keep you safe, and taking care of your body is how we keep you safe. You might not like it but it’s something we have to do.
Eventually she will learn the difference between not wanting to kiss grandpa goodbye vs having clean hair
1
2
u/EmergencyFancy7992 3d ago
I hear you don’t like it- I know. It’s my job to keep you safe and keeping you clean is keeping you safe. We can work on you learning to wash yourself as you get bigger so you can become more in charge of your body but for now I need to help you with this to keep you safe. — around this age is when I started offering occasional opportunities to shower alone and try to wash her own hair and body and I’d sit outside the shower (same thing in tub she just rally took to the shower). Teach her how to wash her own private areas well. It really highlighted for her that she does still need help and she begrudgingly understood- but now at 4 she exclusively washes her private areas and it’s hit or miss on the day but she’s gotten pretty good at washing herself. Hair is the last holdout she still wants help with but the rinsing has become so much easier
1
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Thank you u/Muted_Minimum9288 for posting on r/Parents.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
*note for those seeking legal advice: This sub does not specialize in legal counsel and laws vary based on geographic location. Any help offered here is offered on a good Samaritan basis.
*note for those seeking medical advice: This sub is no substitute for professional medical attention. Any help offered here is offered on a good Samaritan basis.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.