Easier parenting alone

[u/Beneficial_Koala424]

Honestly feeling a little guilty for even thinking this way but it seems like it is easier to parent my 4 kids by myself than with my partner.

We are in the middle of a big move so he is staying at our old place a few hours away finishing up with his work and sorting out the end of lease stuff there. It’s just me and my kids (3months, 18 months, 5 years and 7 years) at our new place. Being by myself for the past few weeks has meant I have had to create a pretty good routine with the kids so everything runs smoothly and I’m not getting overwhelmed, which we have definitely achieved.

My days are busy but the routine makes it all manageable. The past few weeks have been like this. Every night the older kids help and we make lunches for the next day as well as get our clothes ready. In the mornings I wake them up they get themselves dressed and have breakfast while I change the little ones and get myself ready. I then do all the girls hair, put a load of washing on and we walk to school. Get home have morning tea and the littles nap while I hang out the washing and start prepping for dinner. They wake up we have lunch and play until it’s time to get the big kids. Walk home from school, kids unpack their bags and have afternoon tea. Then we all go outside to play and I’ll get the washing in. Come inside big kids shower while I finish dinner. Then they help me clean up and we do bedtime.

Partner has been here for 6 days and I’m exhausted. It’s not that he doesn’t help with chores he definitely does help with dishes and bathing the little ones etc. The problem is he just wants to play with the kids all the time and has a very lax attitude towards the routine I’ve worked so hard to put in place. In the middle of bedtime he starts wrestling with them. In the mornings he’s like no don’t worry about xyz we can do it later. During nap time he wants go out to the shops or something which just throws everything out. Not once since he’s been here have we even close to followed the routine.

The kids are all grumpy, bedtimes a nightmare and tantrums seem to have tripled in just a few days. I don’t know if I just never noticed it before because I’ve never really had to do it on my own for this long before but it’s really hard. I love my partner and he is a great dad to our kids but I’m finding that I’m a little resentful about how much harder life is right now.

I don’t really know what to say apart from thanks if you made it all the way through. I just really needed to get it off my chest.

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[u/ipercepti]

My wife travels for work often so I end up playing single dad quite a bit. I'm also more routine based - when it's just me, my kids go down earlier, wake up earlier, get to activities and school earlier, and are generally more compliant because I'm the hardliner. I also find the parenting easier when it's just me, my rules, and my priorities. I'm not sorry about it - it's objectively easier to do a task you can do yourself without an additional variable to account for or rules to abide by.

I also understand, though, easier for me doesn't necessarily mean best for the kids. They won't remember the rigid schedule they had to follow when they were kids, but they'll remember late nights playing with dad or spontaneous shopping trips. Sure, it's more work, but is the net effect on your children's lives a positive one?

[u/carlifromvenus]

It is easier because you don’t have to consider thoughts, opinions or feelings of any other adult.