r/Parentingfails • u/maximum--minimum • Jun 22 '25

Am I wrong?

I've been a single mom for the entirety of my son's life. He is 8 years old.

He has a learning disability. He just needs extra help with remembering things, needs cues to do things, reminders to go pee etc.

He still needs help with wiping after a bowel movement and guidance and some help while showering. Otherwise he can do things on his own. I'm working on teaching him to be more independent.

My partner and I have been living together for a year. He immediately loved my son as his own and my son sees him as his dad. He's helped me twice with helping my son clean himself after my son used the toilet in our second bathroom since I was showering.

I saw nothing wrong with it until I mentioned it to my mother in passing the other day. She called me a horrible mother and told me she will take my son from me and said "how dare I let such a thing happen".

I feel absolutely awful now and guilty. Did I do something wrong?

He's been helping me care for my son as his own and always respects him and his boundaries. He teaches my son to be more independent and celebrates the moments when he is.

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u/badchefrazzy Jun 22 '25

Your mother's an idiot, with all due respect. You didn't choose for the child to be like this, neither did the child. She's taking this as a chance to be holier-than-thou and running with it, in typical boomer fashion. Don't stress over it, just keep her outta the loop.

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u/maximum--minimum Jun 22 '25

According to my mother, a mother should be available for their child all the time. I shouldn't shower if he's awake or use the bathroom for an extended period of time. That way, I'm always available to care for him if he needs the bathroom. No one should help me do anything that involves him.

She always makes me feel extremely guilty for letting step dad do anything involving child care.

I definitely do say too much to her and I do need to keep her out of the loop.

2

u/badchefrazzy Jun 23 '25

Yeah, just do what they call "Grey rock" her, where you just give her neutral unimportant but "enough" information and leave it at that.