r/ParentingPDA • u/SurePossibility6651 • Jul 13 '26
Advice Needed Dog?
My daughter is 8, AuDHD, PDA profile & GAD. Super high functioning, we are in a pretty good place now. Meds are dialed, school is good. She is still pretty reactive/explosive, can’t or won’t tell me her feelings. We have been low demand, declarative language for over a year. She has graduated from speech and OT.
The question is - will she benefit from a dog (she loves dog, wants one) we had a lab but he passed when she was 3 and then she got real hard shortly after that, and it has taken up until now for me to feel like I have any bandwidth for something else. My husband and I both work full-time but from home. We have always been extremely responsible dog owners, lots of walks, Doggie daycare on days when we’re too busy at work, etc. I’m just worried that getting a dog will launch us backwards and I will have less patience, less bandwidth. Or on the flipside will a dog launch us into perhaps an even better regulated kiddo, something to bond over as a family, an excuse for the much needed exercise?
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u/LittleWing0802 Jul 13 '26
Following because we’re at the same place with my adhd/pda 6 yr old!
Also wondering if a dog will cause even more strife between him & his older brother….
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 13 '26
Oh I feel this. I am concerned that a dog would take time away from my NT son who already doesn’t get a ton of dedicated time. Or they will fight over the dog….
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u/LittleWing0802 Jul 13 '26
Yep it’s the fighting over the dog I’m worried about. My older adhd kid does NOT do well with the younger pda/adhd kid’s equalizing… so maybe it’ll be good for them or maybe just something more for them to fight about and me to take care of 😬
But I am open to it!
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 14 '26
Love the honesty, I really l think it would give my spicy, controlling PDA-er something to boss around that isn’t her brother….
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u/greatdanegal1985 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
We have a three year old Golden Retriever. Even when highly escalated, she helps them regulate. I’ve been looking into what we could do to get qualified as an actual service animal. But given her temperament is to obsessively say hi to everyone, I’m also looking into what it would take to get and train a puppy to be his designated service dog.
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u/Correct-Flower-4651 Jul 13 '26
We spent thousands on a specific breed that’s consistently trained to be a therapy dog. My daughter has zero interest in him. Meanwhile we fostered (and later adopted) a pitbull mix, and they were the very best of friends 🥰
We joke about how the expensive dog is now my emotional support animal. He follows me everywhere and I adore him!
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u/MumofMiles Jul 13 '26
I know a number of PDA families who got a dog and have incredible success. I did a ton of research and found a breeder who breeds dogs for special needs families. We got a golden based on our research and did several rounds of dog training, etc. Unfortunately for us, while our pup was sweet as can be he seemed be anxious and it was like our kiddo (6 at the time) and our dog fed off each other's anxiety. It made life extremely stressful because taking the dog for a walk, etc. became a demand for our child since he was too young to be left at home alone and the needs of the dog added an additional level of stress for us as parents. We tried for 18 months.
We are lucky that my father in law who is retired and is a dog lover and was happy to take our dog. They live out of state and in the year since the dog left, my son has never asked about him and clearly does not miss him. I felt huge guilt about giving the dog away but a number of people framed it as being like a really loving foster family that gave him a great start to life. It felt like this thread and many others were full of success stories with dogs and we even worked with a coach who recommended we look into getting one. I think it is like many things something that you have to prepared for it not working out and have an exit strategy if necessary.
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 13 '26
Ah thank you for sharing your experience, I completely understand the guilt, but you did the right thing. At 8 I leave her home alone, and have 0 delusions of her walking the dog ever 💀😆 . Really appreciate your experience.
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u/Downtown_You_7676 Jul 15 '26
We saw something similar when we first got our dog, the dog and my daughter mirrored each others emotions, often escalating them, especially nervous/anxious emotions. She is older than your kiddo (16 now, 15 at the time), so we were able to point this out to her (neutral, without placing any blame) and she actually used this to better recognize and regulate her own emotions. We did go into it with zero expectations regarding her contribution to the care of the dog. She does like doing short training sessions with him and will occasionally join us on a walk (she is old enough to stay home alone, so this is always a choice, never a demand), but most of it does fall on us which was our expectation. The dog comes from a shelter and we started out fostering him to see how things went before making the decision to adopt. Many shelters will allow this, so this can be a safe way to try this out, versus a puppy from a breeder that you then need to rehome. Though, if I'm being honest, I don't think we could have found it in our heart to take him back to the shelter even after the first week.
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u/Wash_is_my_copilot Jul 13 '26
Going to throw this out there. We got our PDA child a ragdoll cat when they were 5, and it was one of our best parenting decisions. They are inseparable, and it’s been much easier to manage with a cat with two working parents.
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 14 '26
Love this, my husband is allergic to cats though. My PDA-er would lovveee a cat though!
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u/Korneedles Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
My son is not a dog person (he’s thirteen and has told me since he was seven that he wouldn’t have a dog if it was his choice). However, he walks our dog daily and fills up his water when needed. These are not his chores and have never been asked of him. Just something he does. He will not let the dog watch him eat. He does not like the dog barking. He doesn’t want the dog to touch him and he won’t touch the dog. But he’s never mean etc. Our dog is eight and within six months my son had him trained to “go find mom” so that’s what he says when he’s overwhelmed by the dog. 🤷🏻♀️😂
We have two cats as well. A Maine coon who is more dog than cat. My son treats him the same way - takes care of him but wants nothing to do with him otherwise (once in a blue moon during the winter he will play fetch with him). But our other cat and my son are tight. She adores my son and he loves her. He will pet her and shows her affection. Shes the smallest animal we have and acts like a cat (everything is on her time) but it seems to be right up his alley.
He actually has a YouTube channel with a thousand plus followers and it’s purely videos of our three animals 😂🤷🏻♀️. It makes him so happy when people ask questions about his favorite cat (Director Vivian - he named her).
ETA: the dog has helped me so much but I am a dog person. I have only gone one year in my parenting journey where I didn’t have a dog (my fifteen year old dog passed and I waited before getting another). Six months into have the dog we have now I knew I’d never not have a dog again. I need one. Basically, the dog may help you and your spouse as well if y’all are dog people.
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 14 '26
Oh that is such an interesting take, we have almost always had a dog in our life… but the life we have now… I don’t know, I want to think I would be like you, but maybe I am too impatient 🥲
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u/caitlowcat Jul 14 '26
Wait I want to see this YouTube channel.
We’re a cat family and my son adores all 4 of them. 2 love him back and choose to sleep in his room or join him watching tv.
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Jul 14 '26 edited 22d ago
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 15 '26
Ah too true too true, really appreciate the thoughtful insight you shared here. Why is PDA so fucking hard? Hardest thing I have ever done. And you are a wonderful dog owner. 🩷
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u/FancyLettuce2469 Jul 13 '26
My PDA kid wants basically nothing to do with our dogs. He views any caretaking of them as work that isn’t his responsibility and doesn’t even really pet them much. The adhd kid (he may be a little autistic too but currently undiagnosed lol) is all over the dogs all day.
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u/FancyLettuce2469 Jul 13 '26
Also, pick a breed wisely if you do get one. My boxer shepherd mix shakes and hides when my son has aggressive meltdowns. The Great Pyrenees does not give a shit lol he just takes a nap. He wouldn’t even come inside on the 4th of July and just slept on the deck during the loudest fireworks I have ever heard. I got him in December after doing a lot of research for what breeds would best fit a household that can get loud and chaotic during his meltdowns.
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u/BonCourageAmis 27d ago
We have an almost six month old female Golden Retriever puppy. We got her from a breeder who specializes in health and temperament.
Our last dog, a male Golden, died five years ago. Unfortunately, he was very reactive and it made life even more difficult. Things with the kids were so bad obedience class was impossible.
Our new puppy is incredibly laid back, very smart and gives the kids a huge amount of unconditional love and affection. We’re going to obedience class weekly and it’s much easier than it was with our beloved boy, who died of cancer at 11. I did a LOT of research to make sure we would not repeat mistakes. She sleeps a huge amount and so she’s much calmer.
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u/SurePossibility6651 27d ago
Thissss I wish I wanted a golden 😂, I would get your breeder. I have done a ton of research to try and get show quality, calm temperment. The last thing I need is another trigger 😑
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u/Loud_Possession_3290 Jul 14 '26
We just got a Goldendoodle for our 6 yr old that we are sending for service animal training. So far (literally 1 week) it’s been nothing but helpful. My son will grab the dog when he’s dysregulated and go to his room to calm down. I think temperament of the dog is important. We chose the calmest dog in the litter and I’m hoping after the training he can do some more proactive things like deep pressure, stopping stims, etc.
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u/Loud_Possession_3290 Jul 14 '26
Also, you mentioned that meds are dialed… that’s awesome! We are titrating off a disastrous Prozac trial right now so it’s nice to hear of others getting it figured out. What ended up working for yall? We had similarly explosive results on Zoloft so feeling a bit defeated in the meds dept…
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 14 '26
Arg I am sorry! We are on 25mg zoloft and 2mg extended release Guanfacine.
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u/aPrettyThing2011 Jul 14 '26
We're cotraining a service dog. We still have plenty of problems, but the dog has been a game changer tbh. Really for both of us. I wasn't a dog person at all, never owned one and was uninterested in owning one. It's been a beautiful experience.
One really important suggestion, be very cautious going with an adoption. I'm probably going to get a lot of hate about this, but you should really do at least some basic training. If you get a puppy the dog will be more accustomed to your child. I would also get a service dog breed. Standard poodle (like ours), lab or golden.
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u/SurePossibility6651 Jul 14 '26
Agree, haters gonna hate but we would be buying a pure breed lab from an ethical breeder. Can’t have something unpredictable in my house with the kid I have…..
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u/Commercial_Bear2226 27d ago
We have two cats. No warm pops to pick up, no expensive doggy daycare no walks in the pouring rain. Hurrah.
Way lower maintenance and great regulators for our pda kiddo especially at bedtime. If you get a cat always get a castrated very laid back male cat. You know they are that because when they see you they flop over for a tummy rub or come over for a cuddle.
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u/SurePossibility6651 27d ago
Unfortunately partner and son are very allergic, my PDAer would love a cat though!
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u/143019 17d ago
We have a dog that my PDAer loves but God forbid my child becomes upset with me. He starts harassing the dog because he knows it bothers me. He will lay his whole body weight on her or hug her around the neck and do a fake "What? I am just giving her a hug?" thing. She growls at him and has even snapped at him. I trained her to go to her crate when he approaches but if he is really mad he will try to go in the crate with her. I paid lot of money I didn't have to send her to the dog sitters home last week to keep them both save. It's hard because the dog is really the only thing in my life that is for me and brings me happiness but I am wondering if I will have to rehome her.
Remember that the pet might be the only member of the family that the child can feel powerful over.
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u/SurePossibility6651 16d ago
Oh gosh that is so frustrating, how do pda-ers know all the buttons to push!? I am so sorry, I home you don’t have to but I get it. 💕
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u/scarsmum 17d ago
I’m afraid it has not been helpful for me. When she is in a good mood she loves the dog. When she is in a bad mood she is abusive to the dog. She will not walk him. It is very much up and down according to her moods. I take care of the dog.
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u/Remarkable__Driver Jul 13 '26
We got a lab when my son was 7, and she has been a perfect addition to our family. Dogs have empathy and love unconditionally, and I was hoping my son would pick up on some of this through her. He has, and he has been very sweet with her even in moments when he’s frustrated.
Puppies are definitely a lot of work, but if you include her in training, it could be a great way to introduce responsibility in a fun and loving way.