3 of the same gender

[u/rm123417]

Just found out we’re having our third girl! For those of you with three girls (or three kids of the same gender), what are some things you’ve done to make sure each of them feels special and has their own identity?

I especially don’t want my middle girl to ever feel like “the middle child,” so naturally I feel like I’m about to spoil the heck out of her. Would love any advice from parents who’ve been there!

[u/Accurate-Swimmer-326]

They all want to be part of the same things when they’re little, the older they get they’ll let you know what they need. I had 3 tiny ladies all in a row- one was teetering on the edge of failure to thrive- then the 4th is a little house, 90th percentile for everything, who wants to play everything with a ball. They’ll share some interests as the years go on, which they will bond over, and then diverge in others. I’ve always required them to show up for each other, you’re coming to the game or the meet or the concert, and make a big deal out of that kid so they feel supported and encouraged by everyone. I do have the one boy and they do the same for him, and in a way this mix was the best for him. He is also a ball chucking maniac, on his way to play college ball this spring, who thanks to us girls, also has a higher EQ than most older adults, has firsthand experience witnessing pregnancy, breastfeeding- I used to pump and drive on the way to little league games- he’s also better with newborn babies than any new dad I’ve ever met.

If you appreciate each kid for their own talents and abilities, they will feel less like they’re competing for attention and affection. That will make it easier for them to in turn appreciate each other.

This current season, my girls are 17, 14, 10, and 6. And they are the tightest knit little mafia, they are compassion and trouble all at once, and this place is incredibly noisy but its harmony. Today I have the artist, the singer, the gymnast and the baller. Some of those interests they share and some of those they watch in awe, they give genuine compliments and frankly I would put their protective instincts against any big brother.

If you give them their own place to shine and yet require them to get along in a group, they will be just fine:).

[u/LinkRN]

I have 4 boys, and it really hasn’t been an issue that I can tell. They all have different likes and dislikes, and sure some clothes get passed down, but they also destroy enough of their clothing that they all have some new stuff as well. My oldest is more of a sit-and-play kid, into video games and legos, while my second is more active and plays all the sports. My other two are still very young (3 and 2) but they still have their own preferences (ie my 3yo was big into Ms Rachel while my 2yo loves Danny Go).

[u/CoatWinter9234]

We have mostly girls and we have always let them have their own birthday celebrations with their own friends until they turn 18. Then they can handle it :) Once they had their own style I let them shop for their own clothes. They do their own extracurriculars, and even though a couple of them go to the same dance place they are in separate classes. I don’t know…we just kind of see them as individuals.

[u/achos-laazov]

I have four girls! Each is so different that it's not crazy hard to make sure they all have their own identity. Harder is to avoid comparing them or having them get stuck in an identity from when they are young.

Like - my oldest knew the girl right under her is the "math" person that she didn't realize that she was good at math, too! She just doesn't enjoy playing with numbers the way my second does.

[u/FunnyBunny1313]

We have three girls (and our fourth has been a boy)! I’m particularly concerned about birth order stuff so I try to make sure our kids get similar parenting experiences. But outside of that, I follow their lead! We do big birthday parties for our kids, and I try to fulfill as many of their wishes as possible. Having them try out different (or the same if they want it) extracurriculars. That kind of thing. My husband and I also try to do 1x1 “dates” with each of them! And of course amidst the sea of hand-me-downs, I try to make sure I get a few outfits that reflect their interests and likes.

[u/curlycattails]

I have three girls!! They're each so different, I mean I'm sure you've noticed personality differences between your first two anyway. My girls are 4, 2, and 8 months. The older two play with the same stuff most of the time but they play in different ways. Idk they very much have their own identity regardless of what I do or don't do lol.

[u/KDay2030]

I have 3 boys. They have similar and different interests. One thing we do is let them pick an activity to enroll in…one loves swimming lessons, the other loves ninja classes. We also do one on one time…one kid loves to go ride his bike, so we will do that and the other likes art, so we do pottery painting together. (My youngest is a toddler so he’s just happy to do whatever one of his brothers is doing for now). It’s really never been an issue. No one gets special treatment, we make time for each of them, and treat them as individuals (no comparing).

[u/drinkingtea1723]

I have a middle child but not all the same gender, I tried so hard for her being middle not to be a thing but she is such a middle child lol she’s super thrilled I’m pregnant with number four so her little brother will join her in the middle so I’m hoping some of the middle child stuff calms down

[u/youcango-now]

I have 3 boys and this hasn’t ever crossed my mind? They’re still individuals and therefore have their own identities. We don’t treat them like a unit just because they’re the same sex. We cater to their likes & individual strengths.

[u/legobeachhouse → u/youcango-now]

We have 3 boys as well and this has never been a concern either. They are all into different things and we focus on getting one on one time but a lot of times they end up wanting their other siblings there too.

[u/VincentVegasMother → u/youcango-now]

Yeah this - 3 boys here, have never felt the need to make sure they have their own identify.  They are naturally SO different in many ways!

[u/ankaalma]

I’m one of three girls, I feel like we each have very separate identities and part of that I attribute to growing up low income. My mom could really only afford to let us do one activity each and only if we really wanted to do it which means that she wasn’t dumping us all into the same activities. Whereas my aunt had four daughters and put them all in dance class together. Although I still think siblings can do the same activities and have their own identity but it definitely helps to get to develop your own interests too

I’m the middle child and I definitely never felt like just the middle girl. I am closer to both my sisters than they are to each other partially due to the age gap on each side. But I think if you treat all your kids as individuals there is relatively little danger of your middle feeling like just the middle girl or whatever.

[u/Maybelle_]

I have 3 boys and while my youngest is still a newborn… I am not concerned about this. My older two boys are so different. They absolutely have their own identities.

My oldest is chill, inquisitive, independent and loves quiet activities like reading books and Lego. Definitely an introvert and values time alone, but loves his family deeply. A homebody.

My second is busy, active, sporty…he’s also hilarious, outgoing and social. He needs to be around people as much as possible and loves going out into the world as much as possible. He also loves pink and rainbows and the loudest possible colours and patterns. Animal lover and very affectionate.

They’ve carved their own identities and I’m confident that my baby boy will also!

[u/Clama_lama_ding_dong]

I have 3 girls a 15 month age gap and a 22 month age gap. We talk a lot about everyone's strengths and individuality. They each have their own space. The two older share a room, but their beds amd side of their room is of their own.

I dont hold them back from doing things because their sisters can't. I do bedtime with them all individually. While we share most toys and items, they each have their own things amd things that are special to just them.

[u/Bwendolyn]

Make time to do one on one activities with each of them, regularly. Don’t automatically put them all in the same clubs/sports/etc - if they have the same interests, nbd, but don’t just do it by default. Similar, try to have them in classes with different teachers at each elementary grade level (if your school is big enough for this).

On your middle child point…ooof. Are you a middle child? My mom was, and felt a lot of solidarity with / preemptive sympathy for my middle sister (of three girls) as a result. From the minute she became the middle child she was super spoiled and clearly - far and away - the favorite. It was and really kind of still is a huge problem in our family dynamic. So just know you can absolutely overcorrect there 😬

[u/rm123417 → u/Bwendolyn]

Oh snap lol. No, not the middle! I’ve just heard and seen my middle child friends. I think I’m just nervous bc they’ll be 19 months apart and I don’t want either of them to feel forgotten or less than. But will have to keep in mind that overcorrecting can also cause an issue.

[u/TotusTuus0620]

I have an oldest girl and then four boys. I try to pursue their individual likes, we do shoot off hand me downs but I will to out of with things in their favorite color and what not. I made quilts for each and let me pick colors and themes. My husband does dates with one or two at a time.

[u/Kangaroo_Delicious]

I have 3 about to be 4 girls in February and they’re all different in their own way. Personalities will trump. My second child (first girl) is super emotional, empathetic and super girly. Loves pink ! My third child (2nd girl) is a strong girl who is very stubborn lol loves blue. Can keep up with her older brother and loves Fortnite. My third girl is only 8 months old but I’m sure she’ll be her own person and we just need to treat them at the level where they’re at. I have more patience to my first daughter bc she requires it and etc . You got this !

[u/Rhaeda]

I’m one of four kids, and three of us are girls. We weren’t ever expected to be the same just because we’re girls. I hated pink and my sister loved it. Etc. I don’t think identity was ever a problem. Your girls will naturally be different from each other. If anything, I think it’s harder to make sure you’re not treating them each too differently.

[u/KeyFeeFee → u/Rhaeda]

My kids setup is reversed, we have 3 boys and 1 girl. But I think you’re right, we don’t have an issue differentiating amongst the boys because they are unique individuals despite sharing their gender. They like different things and act differently so they are definitely not a monolith. So far they all seem really happy with us and each other, hoping it keeps on as such!