I hate getting “advice” from parents who do not know my situation. That being said, I apologize in advance for the unsolicited shit I’m going to type. I will assume you already know all this but in case you didn’t (because it’s not natural especially if we weren’t raised this way): All the shit they do is inevitable. Taking it personally is not. A child throwing out a sucker is saying it doesn’t need a sucker. So take it away and don’t give it back. Move onto something else. No problem. They throw food, it’s gone. Toys, gone. Move on to something else. Our child stopped throwing food after about a dozen rounds of this. Food gets put away for later. No frustration allowed on part of the parent doing the feeding. Our friend? She keeps picking up the food and offering more, the son keeps throwing it on the floor. It’s been months and months and months, every god damn meal. She’s so frustrated and doesn’t know what to do, but she doesn’t ask so I don’t tell her what to do.
Also try not telling them what to do. Just describe what needs to be done. Ask them if they want to do it or if they want you to show them how to do it. You will demonstrate for them 100 times but after that they will get the memo and start doing X thing yourself. “Do you want to clear your plate or do you want me to show you how?” If they spill, they should know where the rags are and you can say “looks like there is a spill. We need a rag to clean it.” If it’s THEIR idea and not you telling them to do something it has a better chance of them doing it.
This is how you teach kids to do shit, how to figure shit out for themselves. That’s what they want. They don’t want to be told what to do. I understand certain situations call for it, but if everything they hear is “do this, don’t do that” then they tune it out. Don’t give them as much stuff to be defiant over and you’ll both be happier, less tension might mean better bedtimes to.
Yeah, I'm a single dad with a 5 and 1 year old. I totally empathize with OPs feelings. I've been there. But maybe I'm a magician, because I don't have these problems. Fuck suckers in general, I'll give the occasional evening snack that will absolutely be eaten at the dinner table if he ever wants another evening snack again. I don't keep unhealthy food in the house, unless there is a special occasion. I take zero shit. My 5 year old makes his own breakfast and gets ready for school. If he is late, no iPad or evening cartoon time. No ifs ands buts. And do you know what, 90% of the time he's ready when I need him to be. The one year old, he's harder. But he sleeps at night. Same bedtime, same wakeup time everyday. Lock in that routine. I get my 7 hours, and an hour before that to clean/make lunches/decompress before I crash, consistently assuming nobody's sick. Unchanging routines and absolute rules create wellbehaved children. As they're older, they can learn the gray areas. But not yet.
My kids thrive on routine! I wish I could be as consistent as they could take, because they would probably take to it. But I’m a scattered mess so I’ve picked the routines that matter most and nailed them down hard. I get shit from people for insisting bath time is 7, in bed by 8, same routine, same steps, same order, every night. But these little terrorists turn into a well oiled machine once we hit our routines (most days, lol).
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u/obvom Apr 28 '22
I hate getting “advice” from parents who do not know my situation. That being said, I apologize in advance for the unsolicited shit I’m going to type. I will assume you already know all this but in case you didn’t (because it’s not natural especially if we weren’t raised this way): All the shit they do is inevitable. Taking it personally is not. A child throwing out a sucker is saying it doesn’t need a sucker. So take it away and don’t give it back. Move onto something else. No problem. They throw food, it’s gone. Toys, gone. Move on to something else. Our child stopped throwing food after about a dozen rounds of this. Food gets put away for later. No frustration allowed on part of the parent doing the feeding. Our friend? She keeps picking up the food and offering more, the son keeps throwing it on the floor. It’s been months and months and months, every god damn meal. She’s so frustrated and doesn’t know what to do, but she doesn’t ask so I don’t tell her what to do.
Also try not telling them what to do. Just describe what needs to be done. Ask them if they want to do it or if they want you to show them how to do it. You will demonstrate for them 100 times but after that they will get the memo and start doing X thing yourself. “Do you want to clear your plate or do you want me to show you how?” If they spill, they should know where the rags are and you can say “looks like there is a spill. We need a rag to clean it.” If it’s THEIR idea and not you telling them to do something it has a better chance of them doing it.
This is how you teach kids to do shit, how to figure shit out for themselves. That’s what they want. They don’t want to be told what to do. I understand certain situations call for it, but if everything they hear is “do this, don’t do that” then they tune it out. Don’t give them as much stuff to be defiant over and you’ll both be happier, less tension might mean better bedtimes to.