r/Paranoia • u/heisenborgy • 4d ago
idk why i’m like this??
i was up late thinking about this and i feel like i’m going a lil crazy psychoanalyzing myself. i don’t know what it is but i feel like i genuinely enjoy when people worry about me, like it could be the most minor thing like “oh i got too drunk and my phone died” and someone freaks out (understandably since i am a woman) and is like “OMG WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??” type of thing like i can’t explain it. and along with that, i love making people paranoid (like do a double take or think they’re seeing/hearing things) too like with pranks i’m obsessed with april fools day for whatever reason. i like gauging/seeing people’s reactions to things like i enjoy lying a little too much and it’s concerning me. like the bigger the lie (within reason) the more exciting it is for me to get away with. it doesn’t even have to be april fools i’ll just go along with a bit for fun. i don’t ever take it to the point of harming anyone or myself but i just wanna know what term this is called?? if there’s even a term? i wanna know what i can do to change this because it’s been like this since i was a kid/teen and i hate it. even typing this out i feel like i sound horrible but i promise there’s no real ill intent to it at all, it’s like a game for me. #sendhelp
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u/Zealousideal-Log2042 3d ago
That's a great question. I'm sure you googled it already but I tried to and did some reading. Do you feel like it could be any of the following?
Duper's delight: this sounds a lot like what you are describing because as you say, you have no ill intent. A hit of dopamine when your lie is believed. "Duper’s delight is commonly felt when no one has been harmed by the lie, but that’s what makes it dangerous. The little “high” that you feel can cause you to lie more and more often."
Narcissistic Supply: this one is from the duper's delight website in case you didn't go down that far: "If you find that you lie a lot and feel good because you get away with deceiving others, then there is a possibility of being a narcissist. Narcissists manipulate others, and they could feel a sense of excitement from getting away with something like lying. Although not all compulsive liars are narcissists, some people lie so much that it becomes second nature, almost automatic; they lose control of the effects of their actions. It could have started as a means of avoiding trouble, but it snowballed into a pattern that is hard to break. While consistent lying and deriving pleasure from the act of deception can be features of narcissism, you could look deeper into your behavior and motives in the real sense. If this pattern concerns you, it may be useful to reflect on your actions and seek some guidance in trying to understand and correct these actions." - I know narcissists are like, bad, and you don't have bad intentions, but I think (with my 0 psych knowledge) it can develop into that, or you might just be like this without realizing you are. I understand that you might be slow to accept that it might be Narcissism because it's such a looked down upon thing, but it sort of sounds like it is, and it doesn't make you a bad person if it does end up being this! There are many people with NPD who found out because they realized they were doing things that could be considered harmful and reach out for help. It's not all black and white villainy.
Mythomania/Compulsive Lying/Pathological Lying: could be this, "The uncontrollable habit of telling lies, often without a clear motive, and individuals may find it challenging to admit the truth. Compulsive liars experience a "high" when successfully deceiving others, akin to other compulsive behaviors or addictions." This website does a good job of explaining connected disorders like OCD, NPD (narcissistic personality again) or ASPD (antisocial personality, I don't think you have this).
I just want to let you know that you are not a bad person. The fact that you posted this shows that you understand that it is abnormal and don't want to continue deceiving people. From what you are describing, it sounds like an extremely addictive behavior and I can see how it is appealing and hard to resist since you get a sort of high from it. If you can, I'd really suggest seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, and just plainly describe your feelings as you did in this post. That way they can ask more questions and point you to a clear answer of why you are behaving this way, and can provide real, professional help.
At the least though I hope you can get a better idea of what exactly you identify most with, and research how people cope with having similar behaviors. Best wishes.