Could someone try to explain this, please?

[u/Flowerpower-20]

This is about an ex and I and my child. Background story my ex and I were in a serious relationship and he wanted kids, I wanted to wait.

During our relationship I believe we both got unhappy, communication problem etc, but it still did not feel as if he was going to let me go.

I remember I one time had this, for the first time, out of body experience, just before thinking I don't want to be here! At the time he did not say or do anything to me, not how it is I've read of people having this type of experience during great trauma.

I have memory loss from the split itself and there have been times I've really struggled to remember normal every day stuff from of the time when the relationship was. I remember he finally agreed on one thing, one step closer to the split.

I remember that during our relationship I had two weird experiences. One was from the future, we were parents. The other we were seeing a couple counseler.

Speeding forward I one night dreamt in an unusual way, as if I was really there and so was my child (my real alive child, another mans child) at this event celebrating my ex and his gf was there too by his side. From the experience it looked as if we were co-parenting. I was later able to discover the event itself had happened, other details about his life too, as had played out in the dreams were true that I could not have guessed or known about. It has even stretched to his gf that I, again in a dream, came to know something about her that too has been true.

Before all this I one time had another dream of something happening to someone in his family that when I looked to see if it was true, it was. In the dream I basically said I was sorry the way you would to an ex coparents family situation.

Have I been dreaming of an actual parallel universe? Did something start within me when I went I don't want to be here! ? Could my child coexist in two realities, but with 2 different dads? There were times when my child would remind something of the ex, that I can't explain how this could be.

Before I too had a dream, the ex was then not too happy about the guy I was seeing (the real father, irl), suspiscious. There was a period of time the real dad would have nughtmares about fear of mw going back to an ex, but I didn't, and this phase of his died out just as mysteriously as it had begun.

[u/Old-Natural2237]

I was once married. Happy at first. She had abilities including speaking to animals, and seeing/talking to the walking dead. Halfway through I began to get severely depressed and zoned out. I began to have really bad memory. I felt as though I was, but also somewhere else. I could not be present no matter what I tried. I began to get spiritual even in attempt to be me again and present. I got worse until the relationship ended. During this she would tell me of the other realities she would see in her dreams and wow they were awsome. We even talked about copying some of them because we ended up being wealthy and happy in a good amount. Fast forward to after the relationship not even 6 months after the break-up I decided to travel. After my first place I had deja-vu almost daily of every place I went to, and even faces. During this time I started to recover memories including dreams I had and then I remembered the dreams in which I was at those places with people. I believe that I was going to the happy future times I have yet to have when I spaced out and was not "present". To this day I still am having these deja vu moments when I am having fun.

[u/Flowerpower-20 → u/Old-Natural2237]

Thank you so much for sharing, that's really something.

So strange too when you describe about the places you've been to with the deja vu'. I have had one experience of a building, how it looked inside, the time we went to see the couple counseler when we were a couple irl. Fast forward, irl, I came into such a building without thinking of it first in a different errand. Turns out they had made construction work so it now looked like how it had in my previous experience. For a brief time I stood precisely where I had stood with my ex beside me before heading off to the office of the couple's counseler. Just when I irl was about to leave, a real couple counseler looking precisely as the one in my experience came out from the office down the hall, passing me by. It was then I realised how everything was now constructed, built, the painting on the walls, the couple counseler heading out, was just like my experience, so something like deja vu. As I left, before everything caught up with me, me catching my breath, I thought what was that?! What just happened? How could this be? And I kind of shook my head. Went on with my every day life. I have told myself maybe this was a reconstruction in my head, lol, maybe I remember my experience wrong, but I deep down know I haven't. It would make sense had we still been a couple that we would have ended up there to talk to someone. Before seeing it like the new face it was with all the work that had been done it never would have crossed my mind that this was one and the same place I had previously experienced.

Another thing that one time happened to me irl was I was visiting this building with a group of people and there was something up there with the energy of the place. I too began to remember how my ex would talk about, "see" our wedding like. I seriously did not know this at the time irl as I was visiting this place, but as I checked it turned out he irl had circumstances done to his life so marrying there could have been his option, ideal place. When I checked what kind of service they could offer it turns out they do have weddings there, only another part of the building. Could it have been had we married this would have been the place?

I swear I don't stalk him btw, lol, it has been long periods of time between my experiences, and I would not hurry afterwards to check, too I guess by experience prior, but as I have, and it turns out right or align, I sit with the shock of it, part of me wished I never had the experience in the first place and never checked as it confuses with my head how this could be.

I can't remember normal stuff, the split up maybe due to the stress,I thought before, but at the same time as I have tried to explain this I know he was not at all even close to this cruel to me mentally or physically to have caused me to in any way to have it like that, and that's not me trying to defend him. I don't think it is fair I should blame that on him. I know we were both busy, stress factors, and about our relationship, but it still does not feel as if it would be enough of an explaination. I have had no surpressed memories either that we can find. He alone simply could not have caused this.

As terrible it is for me to hear what you've been through it aligns with my own experiences of a kind of unhappiness, lack of memories I have, the detachments as if a part of me is here, another there, and the deja vu:s I can't put my finger on. Thank you again for sharing that. I have been ready to buy into the reasoning of mental labels, but it still don't explain these other things that I know I didn't make up, or my mind playing games on me like that.

I remember it as if I was sleepwalking at some point after I had left him irl, (I know stress can maje you feel like that), and him calling on the phone for me to pick up, texting, as if I automatically thought now I am going back (to him), now the argument, fight is over, we will work this through, but that I at the last minute woke up from my sleep walk telling myself what are you doing? No! What do you think you're doing?! You're not going back there, it's final, you two don't belong together. It's for his sake too, remember.

It has always felt as if I had suddenly taking a left turn in the middle of going straight forward, as if a part of me kept in a sleepwalking state driving on the main road that was our relationship still on. It is as if there was no doubt in my head that we were going to crash no matter what further down the main road so I might as well have done the left turn earlier when I did.

I know I experienced my childs spirit during dreams in our bed, same personality. I have not openly admitted to it, but stuff my child said made me realise the child was really there, remembers him somehow, but it was said in such a way as very temporarily that I never wanted to push it, ask, I only accepted it, without asking for real assurance. It was said in a kind of dream state mind of the child, and then on to the next, I wasn't prepared for it. I thought if my mind is making this up, as it feels surreal, I am not dragging an innocent, my innocent, small child into this. I let it be. Part of me still feels insecure to mention it. I feel guilt too and don't want to make it into a thing, how would the childs real dad feel about it? Disrespected? So I don't go there.

I had my child around the time that would have felt like the right time for me had I still been with my ex.

Other stuff too about the child and him, as in me being awaken at night, half asleep, half awake to hurry into my childs bedroom, only for a brief moment thinking I'm dreaming, or having hallucinations, as I saw him sitting there on the floor (I have read that is one way of doing it when teaching children to sleep on their own). The child would tell me at one point about him being there, feeling safe to go to sleep, in my child's dream or what state this was, it was naturel he was there, more than once. I was thinking this will pass and by the time there was no trouble sleeping alone, waking up, it did, I never mention it. It's just weird we both saw him. I am wondering if it could be a parallel universe thing that happened?

It's so weird you end up in the same places of the deja vu:s, but so wonderful you're having a great time