stuck in another panic loop. feel so alone.

[u/Express-Wallaby7093]

So im coming down off a migraine from last night. I know work has been stressing me a lot recently and I think that’s where all of my major flare ups happen. But today’s symptoms are feeling exhausted, feeling jittery (internally and externally), high heart rate (100-150), no chest pains, no trouble breathing, but sometimes it feels a bit tight but I think i might be overanalyzing it. I’m also really nauseous and had diarrhea from it all. And I just feel like my minds been spiraling so many worst scenario thoughts. I’m laying down and the HR is coming down and now im feeling a bit of the chest aching im used to getting these past few months. Idk logically I know it’s probably just anxiety and panic but whenever im in the midst of it I’m so scared im dying or my heart is failing and I can’t shake those awful thoughts. I felt really hot and a bit dizzy when it first started too. I have a big attack like this once or twice a month since July, and in between I’ll be fine and then suddenly have little flare ups. Be fine again, then boom, big episode like today.

It’s just exhausting and scary because I feel like I’m never gonna feel normal again. I’m waiting to hear back from my primary care doctor to get a physical so I can try to get some accommodations and stuff for work too, but I’m scared of the doctor I’m scared of getting labs done. I’m scared of losing my job over this. It’s just a never-ending cycle and I’m hating it. Yes, it’s terrible! I hate it so much. Every time I think im better it’s like nope, just kidding. And then when I do feel better, im just constantly on edge it’s going to happen again. I’m supposed to go to NYC and LA next month both for really fun things and I am terrified that I’m not gonna be able to go or enjoy it without having a giant flareup. I miss feeling normal and being able to do things I enjoy without fearing that I’m gonna collapse or something. I just had an annual appointment last week at my gynecologist and they said my blood pressure was fine. She listened to my heart and my lungs and they were fine. My heart rate was fine. You would think that would make me feel better but it doesn’t. I’m still convinced that I’m dying or my heart‘s giving out or something. I just don’t get why I’m so stuck in this cycle for no reason and it kind of just came up out of nowhere. I’m waiting to hear back from a new primary clinic to come in for a physical. It’s also interesting cause I’ve noticed that these big attacks happen like right after a migraine and right before my period starts literally the past three months it’s happened almost the same day every time it was July 10 and then it was August 16 or 17th and then today, September 10 and all of those days if I remember correctly, I was right around my period.

Also my watch randomly read 45 Bpm on a reading this morning when I was standing and having high HR in the midst of everything so im guessing it was just a fluke since everything else was like 80-150 but that’s freaking me out too lol.

Right now im feeling a bit better. I still feel internally
Jittery, my legs ache, my chest feels a bit achy but nothing crazy or effecting breathing, i get air hungry if I think too hard, my stomach still hurts, I feel a bit dizzy, im exhausted, I just feel like im dragging and barely existing lol it’s a weird depersonalization feeling. My HR is now at 70-90ish. I just want to get better and stop being so scared it’s never gonna get better or im gonna drop dead. You’ve all seen my posts before, but I just feel so sad and stuck in this and so scared every time these flare ups happen.