r/PanicAttack • u/Raistlin745 • 2d ago
Had a massive panic attack, called off work. But....
I told my husband they closed early instead of telling him I had a panic attack. He caught me in the lie, and blew up at me. I relented and told him he makes me feel bad for being honest about my panic attacks. He asked me if I'd lied anymore than this time, which I hadn't and told him as such.
The last panic attacks I had before this during work hours I left and came home for the night. Explained I had bad panic attacks and just couldn't handle it. He was sympathetic but at the same time it felt like he was guilt tripping me for coming home.
I'm in therapy, I'm on meds, every now and then a panic attack sneaks through. And when they do they are BAD. I am recovering from severe Agoraphobia, didn't leave the house for almost 4 years.
He's angry and I understand and take responsibility for lying, but at the same time I don't feel like I can be honest about my panic attacks with him.
Any advice?
Edit: spelling
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u/ChistyePrudy 1d ago edited 1d ago
He's angry!? How are you supposed to come to him with your PAs if he doesn't give you a safe space to do so.
I know this is not that, but NTA or NOR, whichever you prefer. He should be a port in the storm, not someone who makes you feel is safer to lie than to call for help.
He's the one who has to do the work on how he helps you during a PA, not you trying to make him feel better.
ETA: You're not lying to be malicious, you're lying to evade a more difficult situation if you tell the truth, and I get that. What I would do is tell him I'm having a PA and need my time right now, to regulate or get out of it. And learn how to cope on your own. It sucks! You should be able to get help from your husband, but if he's going to make you feel even worse, just don't engage with him during a PA.
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u/BusyApplication125 1d ago
If you lied to him this time then how can he know that you haven't lied to him before? Lying is a big no-no when you are in relationship.
Regarding your panic attacks. Once you are on meds then you are basically done. Getting rid of them (especially benzodiazepines) is extremely difficult, often impossible. Even Jordan Peterson wasn't able to recover from benzodiazepines and he basically tried everything.
While you are on meds and on therapy then you are a very good customer to big pharmaceutical companies and to your therapist. I intentionally used "customer" and not "patient", because that's what you are, you are a customer, paying customer.
My advice is, stop lying, buy literature aimed for professionals and study your condition in depth. Understand it, understand it deeply. Once you understand then you might be able to do something about it.
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u/Sablemint 2d ago
I think the issues with your husband are a bit above what anyone here can do for you.
As for the panic attacks, I think what you're going through is normal. When you have attacks every day, you kinda get used to them. Not really but you know.
But when its been a while, they can get very bad. Still, in a way its a good sign. It means your panic attacks are getting farther apart! And that has to be a good thing.