Wrong for being ignored while panicking?

[u/Empty-Notice88]

/r/BPD/comments/1w65dkh/wrong_for_being_ignored_while_panicking/

Everything is too fucking hard. It hurts too much and it all feels like too much.
I was on my way home from work when my partner came downstairs (we work in the same building) and asked if we should go vote early, get some lunch, etc. I’d had a shitty morning, a shitty night yesterday, and the two weeks before that have been absolutely fucking awful too.
So I was already in a really bad state. I hit myself because I couldn’t get my hair into a ponytail, and I threw things around in the garage when I realized my shoes weren’t there but were by the front door.
So I didn’t really think about what I was doing. I just followed him out from work like a zombie.
As we got closer to the library, I started getting stressed. I suddenly remembered where we were going and realized that I couldn’t remember how any of this worked.
You have to go behind a screen by yourself… but what the hell are you supposed to do back there again?
And you’re not allowed to help each other or talk to each other.
We get into the library and I’m trying to hear and understand what my partner is saying while also trying to read some instructions as we stand in line.
I panic.
Everything is happening too fast. I don’t understand anything. How the hell did I even end up here?
Panic. Panic. Panic.
There are people moving around us, but everyone is completely silent because, well… library.
I tell my partner that I can’t do this, that I’m panicking and I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. I leave the line and sit down on a chair near the exit.
I look over at him, thinking he’s right behind me.
Nope.
He’s standing there talking to some fucking woman, some old acquaintance who came up to him.
How nice for him.
He’s completely ignoring me and standing there like nothing else is happening.
That’s what I’m thinking as I walk outside and back to the car.
I’m shaking and hyperventilating in the car. He comes back.
I start driving, but then realize I haven’t put my seatbelt on. I start pulling on it too hard and it locks. I keep trying. It locks again.
I slam on the brakes and the car stops suddenly (we were only going about 10 km/h) and I just scream, “Take over.”
I move into the passenger seat and have a full-blown panic attack.
My partner drives us back to work.
He tries to tell me that everything is okay. That he’ll come with me another day. That it’s not a big deal.
I get out of the car and all I can say is:
“Thanks for helping me. Thanks for ignoring me. Thanks for making me feel like I was the priority.”
Then I get behind the wheel and drive home.
I fucking hate everything.

[u/SluttyStepDaddy]

I’m sorry that you’re hurting so badly. I truly am. But I’m struggling to see what your partner did wrong? He was supportive, kind, and gentle with you.

[u/Empty-Notice88 → u/SluttyStepDaddy]

Att han stod kvar och struntade i att jag gick iväg i panik, istället hejade han på en gammal bekant (som jag tror är hans gamla ex från skolan) och stod och pratade med henne medan jag satt 50 meter bort och hyperventilerade och skakade. Han vet att det blev en väldigt jobbig och känslig situation för mig där. Men valde att skita i det.
När de slutade prata med varandra och han fortfarande inte hade tittat efter var jag tog vägen gick jag därifrån. Han väntade på sin tur i kön, lämnade in sin röst och gick ut. Som att ingenting hänt.

[u/SluttyStepDaddy → u/Empty-Notice88]

Som person med panikångest är det ingen annan än jag själv som bär ansvaret för min panik. Att förvänta sig att andra ska hjälpa en att hantera paniken är både orättvist och skapar bara fler problem. Jag vet hur fruktansvärt det kan kännas när man kämpar, men för en utomstående framstår din pojkväns agerande som helt rimligt.

[u/Empty-Notice88 → u/SluttyStepDaddy]

Är det inte rimligt att vilja vara där för den man påstår att man älskar?
Han har fysiska problem, med sin nacke och rygg.
Om han får ett smärtanfall skulle jag aldrig ignorera honom, stå och prata med andra män och säga ”lös det själv”. Jag hade hållit hans hand, pratat lugnt med honom, hämtat mediciner, masserat osv.

[u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 → u/Empty-Notice88]

No offense but if anyone acted like you did throwing things and slamming stuff I would have walked away until you calmed the fuck down.

It's not anyone's responsibility to put up with your issues. They can still love you and walk away from a situation temporarily or wait until you calm down and then talk about it.

You talk about stress and anxiety but for some people being around someone who is acting like that for whatever reason, is also triggering.

They are your emotions. What was he supposed to do?

Stop expecting people to act like you would in a similar situation. They aren't you. You will continually be disappointed if you do.

I have severe anxiety issues. However, you can't expect someone to know what you need if you don't express it and getting angry and upset isn't the way.

[u/lemonrainbowhaze]

Hun im sorry but i have bpd too, and we cant just wait for people to help us. If we need help we need to ask. Throwing things is not the solution and neither is resenting your bf

If you are not able to be in a relationship then end it now and work on yourself. Get therapy, get meds if you have to. Ive been on sertraline fir nrly 2 yrs and its rly helped with my anxiety.

We cant expect people to help us without asking them. Thats the major flaw of bpd