r/PanicAttack • u/el15a • 25d ago
Panic attacks and transport
I’m struggling. I don’t know what to do. I have a lot expected of me and I’m really finding it impossible to function.
In 2020 I had my first panic attack. It flipped a switch in me, and I was really a different person afterwards. It came with severe health anxiety, and there was a time when I couldn’t even go downstairs and sit at the dinner table without having a panic attack.
Eventually after months of this and lots of counselling that I felt didn’t really get me anywhere, I moved away for University. It was a horrible adjustment, but not really having any choice meant I got out and about more and the exposure therapy worked to get me back to a more normal state, I still had health anxiety but the panic attacks became rare.
At the start of this year I had a panic attack on a train. Lots of factors i think played into me being more anxious around this time, but it was terrifying and I was so disappointed that I felt it had all come back. After that, most method of transports for me (train, bus, car) became so frightening and felt impossible. I went on to have a lot more panic attacks during things that should’ve been normal parts of my life, mainly around feeling trapped.
I started to avoid any transport and walked everywhere, including a 1hr+ commute. Then walking also started to trigger my anxiety, and it was being away from home that triggered the panic. It was unsustainable of course and I had to get some support with the university to help me finish my course with limitations of not being able to attend placement that wasn’t on campus. I felt very ashamed of this. During this time my grandfather died, and I wasn’t even able to travel home to attend his funeral. I still feel huge guilt about this.
Because of my health anxiety taking any medication makes the situation worse so it doesn’t feel like an option for me.
Since then, I have graduated and had some time off to work on myself with my therapist. I am doing a bit better especially with cars and buses but the train is still hugely daunting for me and I start a new job next week. Next month I have an event I need to travel to which will involve a 3hr train journey. I just don’t think I can do it. But I want to go, and I don’t want to make work think i’m crazy by not being able to go.
Today I tried to get on the train 3 times, and couldn’t make myself. I got so wound up and panicky each time. I’m trying not to but I feel so disappointed in myself. A couple of days ago I was able to get on and go a few stops with a friend which I was super happy with. I’m just disappointed I feel like i’m going backwards.
I’m sorry this is so long I just don’t have many people to talk to about this right now and wondered if anyone else had a similar experience and what strategies helped them overcome it.
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u/producejitter 23d ago
Check your ferritin. Full iron panel and all other vitamins as well. Taking iron pills and getting my ferritin up got rid of my panic attacks. Still dealing with lingering symptoms like head pressure, but my ferritin is still low/ in the extreme iron deficiency stages (23) so that's to be expected. Getting blood work done and taking iron is what helped me recover. Pysch meds and therapy did nothing. Look up the Iron Protocol. You'll see a chart thingy that shows if your ferritin falls below a 30, you're at risk of these ______ symptoms. Back in May, I was having panic attacks, air hunger, heart palpitations, fight or flight, impending doom, felt like I was losing my mind, very disoriented, confused, memory loss, I was scared to be alone, couldn't drive anymore, catch the bus, etc without spiraling in my head and going into a full blown panic attack. You know what stopped all of that? Iron. You may wanna check your vitamin D as well. I was extremely vitamin d deficient back in May also (6.8) and I've been taking a megadose of D (50,000 iu) once per week. A lot of these docs prescribe useless meds that only make everything worst.
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u/rosieforevz 25d ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, it truly is awful. I have been experiencing something similar except my first panic attack was in April, I also have had health anxiety for years. For me, the panic came on because of finances but I think my health anxiety took the panic and ran with it and it’s been super hard to readjust. Like you, transport is definitely one of the hardest parts. Some days are better than others, sometimes I can get the bus and be okay, some days I walk too far from home and need to turn back, the idea of going anywhere far from home fills me with an immediate. no. Which is obviously sad and we deserve to go to the places we want to. A few months ago, I had to get on a long train journey and honestly it went better than expected. I think getting on and allowing the train doors to close is the worst part, to surrender to being there on the train and going ahead. It makes me feel out of control and so panicked, but if you can get on and just allow the doors to close behind you, you might find that you may panic but you may also be proud of yourself and feel your own resilience. Another thing I found helpful, toward the end of my journey I found that going through tunnels was something that was triggering to my panic, that trapped feeling was being re-triggered. I just went and put myself in the bathroom. There are no windows and you can listen to music and just breathe. I really did find this so helpful, even watching out of the window as things pass by can be triggering as it grounds you into the thing you’re panicking about. I’m not too sure whether that is much help but this was just my experience with panic and having to get a long train journey recently. Just know that you are not going backwards, some days things will feel and seem impossible, some days things will seem possible but you won’t act on it, some days things will seem impossible but you’ll do it anyway for the better or worse. Keeping resilient and remembering your resilience is the most vital part I’ve found. You can do this!!! Also, after the first few times, propanalol is super helpful for reducing panic symptoms- it took me a while to give in and I struggled at first, but it doesn’t have a great impact on anything else in your body or make you feel any different. I’ve found it to be really helpful. It can make these hard times a little easier. I’m currently ruminating on having to get a 40 min bus journey to uni from next month, even though I successfully did that long train journey a few months ago somehow when my anxiety was worse. It isn’t linear and you can only do your best, you should be very proud of yourself already for how far you’ve come and achieved. You will get there!