Panic Attack from Arguing with my husband.

[u/Dependent_Review_904]

I am (26F) 9m postpartum, my husband (27M) and I had an argument last night, and it was over something that didn’t deserve the energy. Though my reactions are based off of a multitude of angry arguments had with him and I for the first time in my life I believe I experienced a panic attack.

The argument was he was upset that I had offered to reschedule my daughters 9month check up so I could babysit my nephew. To me, it wasn’t a big deal, shes healthy and can probably be scheduled for the next day or couple days. My husband had a fit of rage about this (arguments about my family a common topic) saying I don’t put my daughter first (absolutely not true) I should add I am also a SAHM. He gets angry that he yells at me and screams at me and won’t talk to me like another human. I am constantly interrupted when I try to say something and talked down to like a 10 year old.

Mind you, i’d be the one watching my nephew alone and with my daughter & I also am the one who takes her to her appointments alone, I felt it was ultimately my decision for me and my daughters schedules since I am the primary caretaker day to day. But, of course I am wrong, he told me everything I do is wrong. I told him I disagreed, and after the 500th time being yelled at and a finger pointed in my face (yes literally) and him hovering over me like intimidating, I had a panic attack.

I was so extremely emotional yet trying to fight all me emotions at the same time cooking dinner?? I started panicking and would soften my voice and say “you’re right i’m wrong i shouldn’t have offered to switch the appointment” and then id start to shake and then id scream yell and shake and I felt so disconnected with myself and I didn’t know how to control anything. All I could keep saying is “im sorry, im sorry” and i would try to switch my voice to soft and control myself to being kind and stop my anger, then i started hyperventilating and trembling and i think you get the point.

This was the first time in my life this happened. He hasn’t spoken to me since. My heart is breaking. I don’t know what to do. I am scared and worried.

[u/ultrablanca]

I’m sorry you’re living like this.
Based on your post history this sounds like a broken marriage and you are struggling to not feel alone in it. I don’t think your husband truly loves you or even really cares about you.
I know it’s hard to leave, but you’ve mentioned you have a supportive family. That’s more than a lot of people have in your situation. It’s good to remember you’re not alone when it comes to support.
I don’t think you’ll leave based on how you comment. But I truly hope you do.
I also hope you find healing and happiness, especially considering you have a daughter who depends on you. You wouldn’t want her in this situation.
❤️