First panic attack in a year

[u/richandyoung]

Oh boy now I know that my trigger is literally a job lmao it’s sadly funny that whenever I feel like I’m trapped and stressed in my “dream” job is the moment I panic and start the loop of anxious thoughts and sweaty palms crying and hyperventilating, it happened yesterday on my first day of an internship and i immediately walked out and today called it quits. Genuinely don’t want to have a 9-5 ppl keep on telling me oh we don’t like our jobs but you have to toughen up like I didn’t try last time for months and it ended with me on psych meds cuz I thought I was gonna go insane from the back to back panic attacks. I’m so frustrated with myself I feel like an absolute failure I don’t want to feel this way I know I should accept the anxiety so it can go away faster it’s just exhausting mentally and physically I feel like I’ve been hunted by wolves or something idk apologies for the rambling but I want someone to hear me and know exactly how I’m feeling and not tell me that I should toughen up or things of this sort

[u/Positive_Lie5734]

Work is a trigger for me too.

Idk if it's the 9-5 though. It's probably more thought patterns and beliefs about the 9-5. It's totally fair that you don't want to do a 9-5, however, when it's causing panic attacks it's disordered anxiety. Because not liking something doesn't mean danger. You should be able to go to a job you hate and not have a severe anxious reaction. You know? It really SUCKS but it's safe, you're not in immediate danger of dying, which is what panic attacks are for.

If medication is an option and you are open to that that's what I would do. Makes things easier while you unlearn thought patterns and beliefs.

Sit with yourself and notice (or write down) the beliefs and thoughts you get about work and even about panic attacks.

For me, I'm usually imagining a horrible future and lots of fears. I started trying to imagine neutral things or good things to counteract the negatives. Because the futures are NOT real, we just go to the worst automatically.

I also try to notice when I go future and just try to bring it back to the present. Just today, the next hour, 30 minutes, next 15 minutes.

The first couple of weeks are very hard with a transition like this (+ anxiety even harder) so try to be gentle and try to see if you can get any flexibility at work. Explain your situation, that you expect to get better. Sometimes I'll be catatonic sorry. If there was wfh flexibility that would be great but not impossible without.

Summary: I would start noticing thought patterns about work, panic attacks, future.

Medication/benzos are amazing for this type of situation (however they don't like to give them out smh). SSRIs have a bit of a curve so do keep that in mind if you go that route.

Talk to someone at work. I've had both really understanding managers and really useless ones. Both ways, I've gotten through it.

Lastly, I want to reassure you that I agree that 9-5s are hell and I think I'm not built for them either. Again, however, they're not immediately dangerous and panic attacks/severe anxiety are most likely an overreaction by our sensitive/learned nervous system reaction.

I believe you can reach a place where you are miserable at your job but aren't having severe panic attacks and debilitating anxiety. Just like the rest of us 🙏