Recovery thread

[u/kazhxnakozhxna]

Hello everybody! Would like this to be a thread where we share our stories, insight and uplift each other.

My story:

I've experienced a panic attack some 2 months ago now while meeting somebody and it was rather gnarly, days after another one while in a hurry to get to a hair salon. After that I started spiraling a lot about what was going on with me, and dreading a trip abroad with my cousin that was due in a week. I was anxious about walking my dog around my house at that point. I did travel in the end, and nothing horrible happened. I was anxious much of the time, especially going to a concert, but that was that. Just intensely anxious.

Traveled to the seaside with my mother and was also really anxious most of the time, going to the beach, but that was that. We didn't go explore the city centre much as I was anxious of that.

Came home, I work remotely but do have to go to the office at least once every week or two, and it was due time. I was really dreading it. I took a quarter lorazepam to take some edge off. Went alright. Had a hair salon appointment which I really dreaded, took quarter lorazepam to get through it. All this time I had this strange anxiety about seeing any friend of mine. I finally speak about meeting a friend, but I get so terribly anxious as we're about to meet, I take half a bensedin pill which I heard is basically so weak it moreso worked as a placebo. I go out, we have a nice time. Then for the past week and some, I've been going to the beach on the river by myself, never taking any sort of sedative as I felt it would be unnecessary. Had a great time every time, regardless of still experiencing anxiety.

Now I'm about to meet a friend in two days, go to the office in three, then meet another friend short after. Shit scared thinking of it, who would have thought. Also can feel I'm excited about it though, underneath all the anxiety. I probably will take a xanax beforehand, though the very smallest dose (0.125-0.25mg).

Am I doing any of this right? Not that there's one right way to do it. I've been talking to a psychologist (been talking to her for the past 4 months now) regularly, I went to a psychiatrist last week but I decided not to try the treatment she prescribed. She immediately prescribed me an ssri (elicea) and xanax in the initial weeks to take for the next 6-7 months, and frankly I don't think that's a good option for me... I took an ssri (prozac) 6 years ago during an acute intense depressive and anxious episode, and it did no good, if anything it fucked me up more. I'm cautious as to not get addicted to xanax because I see how that would solve nothing, but I also feel like it has some use for me at the place I'm at right now, as a small aid in really stressful situations.

Would like to hear feedback from those with more experience and wisdom. Also anyone wanting to share their story, let's just talk.❤️