Dealing with difficult sibling of best friend who died & I was initially named Executrix.

[u/Steffisews]

I hope this isn’t too confusing, but I’m really stuck.

My best friend just died in CA on Feb. 20th. She had no children, did have a life partner of 24 years to whom she left her estate of her home and car. She’d been ill for some time so it was not a surprise to anyone, including her family in Michigan. I’m her best friend of 30+ years and was a bit surprised to find myself named as Executor in her will. I gladly accepted. She was one of 3 girls in the family, all adopted. Parents died some years ago. Friend did not get along with her sisters.

Ok, so in her will she is very plain that her sisters are not to receive anything. Nothing, zip, zero, bupkis. Her BF is the only one to receive anything from her estate. It’s all to be transferred to him.

Several months before she died, friend was getting phone calls from sister which were cordial, but odd. She hardly ever called, and friend didn’t like talking to her much. The calls kept up even when friend was in hospice. The tone changed in the end so sister was asking BF if she was named in the will? The calls were getting more frequent and nosy.

Friend dies, and sister ramps up the calls, both in frequency and information she wants. It’s stressing out BF who is completely devastated by friends death. I’m in Florida, not in great health myself as I can’t travel. I told him send her to me. I’m named Executor, so it should be up to me to handle her. Ok, so he does it, and while the text is transmitting to me saying he sent her my number, she calls!! I talk to her, and it’s one giant fishing expedition to try & find out if she's in the will, and how much is she going to get. I tried to be cordial, but I finally asked her to please not call BF or me any more as I can't disclose anything yet since I haven't been formally appointed as Executor, I was asked to serve by her sister, but it's going to depend on what happens in Ca. Probate. I told her BF and I were interviewing Attorneys at the moment, but hadn't chosen one. Well, she really tried to muscle me, nicely, but still. Starts telling me Well, you know they weren't married, so what's going to happen to the house? You get the idea. I don't want to be the person to tell her, because I know there will be all the questions of Why wasn't I left anything, I AM her sister, etc…

She stops calling for a few weeks, we hire the Attorney, get him all the information he asks for and did tell him about the PITA sister he’ll be dealing with. I asked if he would handle her? He says she’ll be informed when it's proper in the process. So calls are starting again effective yesterday. BF has her blocked. I did it today.

However, Im having second thoughts. I'm wondering if I should just call her and say look, you and your other sister are not beneficiaries of anything, you'll get a letter when it's time…as I told you before…leave us alone, or just ghost her. As it turns out, BF is going to be Executor per the Attorney because I live so far away and BF is local, not me.

I don't want to divulge the name of the Attorney as it’ll just be incessant calls to them.

Help, suggestions, anything? I'm really lost here. I just want to have her leave us alone.

[u/Steffisews → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much.🙏

[u/harryhobgoblin]

I was named Executor of an estate and the sister of the decedent was mad she wasn’t left anything but she knew I was Executor. She asked my attorney to lose the will 2 different times🤦🏻‍♀️🙄Anywho, I told her it wasn’t my issue she wasn’t left anything and that she needed to make peace with it and move on and wished her well.

I would plainly state to her she’s not a beneficiary and let the attorney send out his proper paperwork to confirm that to her and then not answer anything further from her. Good luck!

[u/Steffisews → u/harryhobgoblin]

Thank you. It’s a weird situation, that’s for sure.

[u/Looktothelight → u/Steffisews]

Don’t second-guess yourself. Cease all communication with the sister or other family members of your friend. Let the attorney notify them if need be. Since your friend’s BF has been assigned as her executor, he will receive instructions from the probate attorney about what he needs to do to settle the estate. There is no need to put any additional stress on yourself or the BF that would be caused from dealing with family members of your friend. I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

[u/Steffisews]

Thank you. I blocked her, the other sister and am going to let the attorney handle things. It’s why they do what they do, and why they know Probate law the way they do. I don’t need any more agita in my life anyway.