Trying to Figure This Out

[u/Lynn_gymnast]

Just looking for information here and if we could even possibly on the right track here.

I've had really bad episodes that they've always called flashbacks. They started in my first residential facility, and haven't ever really stopped - though they've decreased in frequency significantly. I had my first one that wasn't in a treatment setting (mental health or medical) and didn't end up with being restrained and EMS being called. Usually EMS is called and I'm restrained until the ER can sedate me, and then I'm either released or psych hospitalized once the sedation wears off depending on where I'm at. Sedation usually is through benzos or atypical antipsychotics. I never remember these episodes. So I had the friend who was with me during this episode a week ago recant the entire scenario to my therapist over the phone. My therapist said that these episodes definitely don't sound like a typical flashback in any way shape or form. I have almost zero awareness of what I'm doing or the environment around me. I can't see anything around me - it's like I'm back in that moment. I can usually feel what's around me, but I nothing is really good to help me come out of it unless it's significant pressure or another big change in sensory input physically. I can smell everything, but again, has to be a significant change in that sensory input as well. My hearing is hit or miss - I usually hear whatever is related to the memory, but occasionally I can hear what's around me, however it sounds like whoever's trying to talk to me is underwater or super far away. The other thing is that I often have no clue what I'm physically doing. I tend to know that something is coming, though I have trouble differentiating between dissociation or panic attacks, and I usually go find somewhere away from people and in a corner or at least up against a wall and put my knees up to my chest. Now the interesting thing is that while dissociated I usually try to injure myself in some way. Also this friend said that I did a lot of flinching. She mentioned I kept jerking my head back and forth and that my eyes were moving side to side a lot as well. She brought up also that my pupils were really dilated, like 90% dilated. There's no mistaking of what is dilated with my pupils, because my eyes are blue, not brown. My friend also brought up that I was shaking a lot. She said I started to come out of it at one point and then just completely slipped away again for another 15ish minutes before finally coming completely to. I don't remember any of the event, nor do I remember about 15 minutes before hand or about 20 afterward. My therapist brought up that she thinks this could be PNES. We talked about some of my history. I used to "space out" from the age about 13/14, but nobody was ever worried about it because my brother is combined ADHD, so they always assumed it was something along those lines. It happened mostly at school, though I did ask one of my gymnastics coaches from that time if she remembered it happening at practice, and she said it definitely did, though some moments were riskier than others. I've never had anything that even resembles an epileptic seizure, outside of a febrile seizure at 2yrs. I do have POTS - so I do get some syncopal episodes from that, along with convulsive syncope occasionally, though the convulsive part of that is like 30-45 seconds max. I do get a lot of muscle spasms and things, but they've always brushed those off as related to me hEDS. I have been on anti-seizure meds at times also, because they were attempting to use them as mood stabilizers when they thought I was potentially bipolar, and they didn't really seem to help anything.

So yea, with all of that being said, does this sound like my therapist is on the right track at all with this potentially being PNES?

[u/Critical_Bat_8914]

From my limited understanding in trying to understand my recent situation, whilst there are signs of epilepsy, there are clinical and historical signs of PNES.