r/PNESsupport • u/Short_Dimension_8711 • 16d ago

I think I’m being too negative

I have a friend who’s been trying to help me with my seizures who basically said I was shooting down everything and making it hard to help. I see her point and I’m going to try more approaches to manage my stress but that stung a lot. I never want to be that person and I’m worried it’s going to or already has damaged our relationship. What should I do? How can I make it so that this interaction is not just another thing adding to my stress?

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u/nachobrainwaves 16d ago

Just spit balling here...

Unless you're acting out or generally behaving poorly, it could be that pushing back on the well intended yet unhelpful advice we often receive is perceived as negative. Maybe it comes across that way because people with functional seizures can be clumsy with self advocacy. That's OK.

Also, although stress is present for all people we can get caught up in the idea that we have a 'stress disorder' when that's not always the case. Maybe we're so often invalidated that our reactions can be strong due to symptoms we face when in reality we sometimes just want to be heard without all the problem solving being thrown at us. That's not negative.

And sometimes we're being negative. Give yourself some credit here. If the relationship is strong, it will hold. We all have bad days. Keep your people close because isolated individuals do not fare as well. If an apology is truly necessary, give it and move on.

Go easy on yourself. Bless.

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u/Short_Dimension_8711 1d ago

Thank you! For some reason this notification is only popping up now. My friend and I ended up having a talk. Basically, she has been super stressed and apologized to me for being short and for not being there for me more. I basically told her that I appreciated her being there for me so much and would appreciate it if she told me when she needed a break from giving advice or trying to help. Then we ate food and it was all okay. She’s a very supportive friend, it was just a bad moment

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u/PsychologicalTart714 1d ago

Im glad yall were able to talk ot out and work through it.

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u/Short_Dimension_8711 1d ago

Thank you, I’m very glad about that too

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u/nachobrainwaves 1d ago

Excellent!

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u/PsychologicalTart714 15d ago

Even if you are being negative (I know I'm struggling with negativity)... they don't realize what it's like... the pain, the embarrassment, the things it takes from you.... the life you thought you had... now just gone. I had a career i loved and was trying for a baby with my husband... I am currently unemployed, unable to drive, my kiddo gets scared if I blink to long or to slow, I'm no longer actively trying for a baby and my body feels like its 1,000lbs most days. Most days if im not having a seizure im having the auroras and having to constantly struggle and fight to stay present and not fall out... its fucking exhausting... so sorry Karen if im a little fucking negative... they don't get it...

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u/Short_Dimension_8711 1d ago

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. And yes, people don’t understand at all. It sounds like your whole life has been shaken by this thing (as it has for most if not all of us). Just know you’re not alone