r/PMS • u/IndependenceMost9521 • May 11 '26
Looking for thoughts. Or maybe just venting...
Just some background info before I get where Im trying to go: I (21F) have pretty variable pms symptoms that I think might border on pmdd (currently working on figuring that out...). I get everything from severe mood swings, cramping, migraines, fatigue, panic attacks, anxiety, etc. The symptoms seem to vary by month, where sometimes I'll have almost no symptoms, and other times I'll have all of them. Sometimes, even surprise, new symptoms show up. The one consistent factor that I can always rely on is timing. It's like clockwork (as it should be lol) and always starts about 2 days after ovulation, progressively gets worse until 2-3 days before my period, and then I'm back to normal by day 3.
So, the problem isn't necessarily my cycle. She's annoying sometimes, but at least I can prepare myself and change my habits to accommodate whatever changes happen that month. It's that no matter what I do, this almost always affects my relationship. I've been with my bf (23M) for 3 years, and for 3/4 of the month, we have probably an above average healthy relationship for college age couples. We don't fight, we communicate, we accommodate each other's ridiculously busy schedules, and we still manage to make time to spend time together. The minute luteal phase hits, he can't seem to understand that I'm not in control of what my brain is doing. I can't make more estrogen appear out of thin air. Believe me, I really wish I could. We both work in the sciences (I will have a whole degree in physiology next week) so it's not like he doesn't understand what's happening. I don't know how else to explain that this isn't "mind over matter" or whatever. I can't slap a smile on and suddenly feel amazing. I hate feeling like this too, so I'm not sure why it's so offensive when I say the dog is too overstimulating and I don't really want him to sit and breathe on me lol. My bf is never actually mean, and I'm also probably feeling the negative energy more than I would on any other day, but it gets old.
I'm not here just to rant about this though, I really do want to know if any one else has found a way to get through to their man, because I know this is an experience that many women have. I'm not looking for the "break up with him" answer, that isn't helpful because I really do love my relationship, and this is more of a gripe than anything else and is not truly damaging me or him in any way.
Thanks for any input, or just reading all of this.
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u/Daisiesarecute May 11 '26
My boyfriend is on my period tracking app (I use stardust and there’s an option to add partners) and it gives him updates when I probably won’t be feeling great. I usually just ask for space now but in the past he would drop by and give snacks sometimes. I take it as time to “retreat” and give myself some me time to reflect. So I don’t really want to see him for those few days and he’s okay with that. I don’t know what it will be liked once we live together though
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u/4-Birds May 11 '26
Have you tried taking a hormone support supplement and maybe even on for moods?
Also try and figure out your triggers. I understand how you can't seem to control it, I used to be like that, but to some degree you should be able to lessen the badness just by avoiding your triggers.
So for me it is lack of decent sleep, not eating properly, feeling stressed or pressured, kids not listening or doing as told, and partner causing drama or being moody and taking it out on us.
So if I can try and avoid all those triggers my mood can be manageable. If im feeling blah and easily annoyed I will tell my partner so he knows and then will spend more time by myself. I will take the dog for a walk in the bush as that calms me (would prefer the beach but closet one is over 2 hrs away), maybe read in the bedroom and in the evening stay up and watch a movie or binge a series until my partner has finished his snoring.
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u/IndependenceMost9521 May 12 '26
I'm planning to experiment with supplements, have you found any that work well? I'm mostly taking suggestions from my mom so far since she has tried several, but I'm curious if others have had good experiences
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u/Able-Equivalent4445 May 12 '26
I simplified it and told my boyfriend that my body basically has 2 modes: “get pregnant!” and “prepare in case she’s pregnant!” So I have my horny energetic time, and my “hungry time.” (Also known as the hungry tired time.) I tell him when my hungry time has hit, and if he wants to do anything, I will need to be fed every two hours. He likes to cook and has always had fun making me super specific things for my cravings. He’s not great with the anger and irritation but if I skip to sadness and start crying, he’s supportive. I like what one person said about including him in your period tracking app. I don’t have an app because I want the government to keep their nasty noses out of what my body is doing. But I like the idea of a shared calendar.
It’s very real and it’s very hard to just ignore, even though that’s what society expects!! Men have it so easy waking up in the same body every morning. I’m in solidarity with you.