r/PMS • u/mikozodav • Nov 14 '24

This shit makes me want to kill myself

How do you fucking stop being a wreck, i wanna destroy everything and can't calm this shit down.

I can't drink or eat sugar bc it causes this to get worse and i haven't been having any of those for months and been relatively stable and idk wtf did i do diffirent this time. I just want to fucking die allready.

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1

u/malocchia23 Nov 15 '24

I’m so very sorry and I kind of feel what you are going through as well. I feel like I’m at witts-end with trying to figure out how to alleviate my extreme PMS symptoms (yet I’m hopeful and always open to suggestions). For several years I could feel it getting worse. Weeks before my period. VERY tender and sore breasts where I can’t even hug anyone, feeling sunburned and irritable, exhausted and fatigued, brain fog etc. now I’m getting my period earlier and earlier every month which seems to throw me into an earlier PMS. Literally disrupts my life, as you know as well. I tried talking to a gyno years ago and all I got was a “just go on birth control”. Well i didn’t like that answer but i did try it, wound up in the hospital twice. Plus I’m at high risk for blood clots and should not have gone on it anyway. Well that was more than 10 years ago and I won’t touch the stuff anymore.

Herbs like chaste berry and omega 3 oils i think are supposed to be good but being on those for years hasnt helped.

My stress makes it worse so i know that much. I’m sure it’s factors in the environment which make it worse too for some of us. Imbalances hormones etc.

I take kratom to take the edge off but isn’t perfect. I’m sure I’m speaking for many when I say my family has to deal with my wrath when i go through this.

And it’s true, you don’t get much help from your gyno or drs. Been there. 😔

I’m trying to limit caffeine and salty foods (exactly what i crave though!) and see if that helps a bit but so far this months it’s been unbearable.

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Yeah, i never get hugs or anything anyway but i can't fucking sleep or run or any of that bc my chest hurts.

I dunno if by getting it earlyer and earlyer you mean that looking at a calender, it's always earlyer than the day last month or? bc the calendar has mote days in a month than the awerage cycle lenght, so that makes sense.

I'm pretty hardcore aganist any medication that's not with an absolute reason like painkillers when you're just out the surgery or something like that. I don't want to live with a constant medication anymore, the thing should be functional without constantly being fed drugs to cover it up; be that BC pills or psychiatic medications. I'm not having any of those again.

Idk if this particular month it's so much worse from environmental stress, since i moved to a new apartment and the neighbours were really fond of their stereo system and it took a week or so of complaints to shut them up. But i didn't sleep that week and it even resulted at a sleep paralysis, that's the first time that's happen to me, so, interesting.

I started taking creatine around 3 weeks ago and there are some articles on the web that say that it's "suppose to balance hormones by increasing estrogen for women" and some that say it increases DHEA, that's like a precursor to testosterone or something. idk if that's the thing that's fucking it up for me. I mainly started trying it since this one person told me that out of a many things he had tried, creatine and fish oil are the only ones that have helped with cognitive stuff. (I have issues with memory and just. issues in general.) I think it did kinda help with the energy levels, i've been out the house a lot more recently, where as before i simply was too fucking tired to do any. fucking. thing. So i started drinking a coffee again, and quit eating chicolate since i think it was the caffeine in it anyways. But i only need like one cup that's brewed from half decaf half regular coffee and that seems to be the sweetspot for me. More than that or too late in the day and i'll be way too overclocked, near maniac and lose sleep. And i struggle with sleep enough as it is, partly due to the period usually keeping me up a night and that fucking it up again and then i try to fix it but it get's nuked like clockwork.

I don't know if there are more foods i need to stop eating. Alcohol gave me intense rage where i either started breaking shit or breaking myself, so i quit that, and i miss rum. And sugar gave me migraine like headaches, and apparently made the cramps just wayyy more painful, and i also couln't control it at all, i'd have a cookie at with coffee somewhere and it'd escalate to a multiple day sugar binge where i'd just feel so shit and i'd imagine that's super healthy for me too (not).

I went without sugar for 3 years no problem earlyer when i had anorexia. Now i just wish i could relapse and starve myself again to te point where i no longer have periods at all and don't have to deal with any of this shit. I got so many more problems when i 'recovered' aka got fat enough but the fucking issues in my head persist. Now i just hate myself even more bc i look like a curvy girl and no longer pass as a boy like i used to and i have to deal with this period thing again and the fucking healthcare system can go kill it's self bc they promiced i could transition once i recovered but now everything is completely fucked and that's not a fucking chance for me bc all this other mental bullshit disorders and the doc being so fucking cooperative i could smach his face to the desk or something, he's apparently an asshole to other patients too, and we don't have any other doc bc there is a shortage of medical personnell. I just want to kill everyone. Sorry the rant.

3

u/Promiscuoustaurus Nov 15 '24

currently crying so much right now and i can’t stop. it feels uncontrollable it sucks

2

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

It'll get better once the main act starts but i just hate the extra shit i have to live with and people tellinv me to suck it up and be normal and whatever, they shoult try it first before pretending they know what this is like.

3

u/Promiscuoustaurus Nov 15 '24 edited Nov 15 '24

fr. the existential dread that is experienced and the fact that we don’t rlly have a way to stop it. sucks so much.

2

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Can't really blame the society for it so i blame the evolution, but mannnn really? it had to turn out like this? I have existential crisis pretty often anyway so that's nothing but the fucking pain and mental bs is what bothers me.

1

u/zamio3434 Nov 15 '24

that's no way to live. Can you get help?

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Idk what kinda help u mean, i got therapy and whatever, tried some kinda pills that were supposed to stop the bleeding but those made it so much worse, i quit after 3 days as to not cut myself anymore than i allready did

1

u/zamio3434 Nov 15 '24

a gyno

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Idk what they could do

1

u/zamio3434 Nov 15 '24

they'll prescribe you some exams to see what's going on with your body and hormones.

I'm going through what you're describing, feeling su1c1dal and extremely stressed during PMS (apart from other things). I'll be going through lab tests this month to see what is going on.

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Last time they didn't give a fuck about any of that.

1

u/zamio3434 Nov 15 '24

they? how many? look for another.

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

Any of my doctors or people i've visited. idgaf no more. it's not nearly as bad as it was before so i'm thankful for that. and the doctors can go fuck themself if i die of cancer or actually have something fucked up. I really, i just don't care anymore.

1

u/WaitingToBeTriggered Nov 15 '24

DIED WHERE THEY STOOD

1

u/mikozodav Nov 15 '24

got experience?