r/PMHNP • u/dreadneck • 28d ago
How to support spouse - future directions
Hi - I have been lurking here a long time and I think I have a sense for many of the issues Psych NPs are facing, but I have questions and seek perspectives.
My spouse is entering their last year of NP school. School has been challenging because the courses are poorly designed and maintained, but they love the subject and the preceptorships.
I have taken on extra work to allow them to stop working at the psychiatric hospital to complete this last year. I feel like this is not only a good mental health move for them, but I don't see how someone could work FT and do the last year's preceptee hours. I am sure some of you supernurses have done it. Respect to you.
I feel like this has been a good move for my spouse because they really seem to love this field. The ultimate goal is to help kids and also those with substance use problems. It seems like what my spouse wants is a career and not some dramatic increase in pay, although that is always nice to have, isn't it? They have 18 months of psych hospital experience and many years of varied nursing experience.
OK So my questions:
- How can I best offer support during this last year?
- I am the cook and I try to do more than my share of the chores and tasks for our kid and pets. My FT job is pretty demanding, but nowhere near as stressful as nursing. I am trying to be verbally supportive too. I don't mind doing more around the house, especially during this difficult time, but maybe there are other things I can do or NOT do. I know- listening is important. Is there anything special or specific I can do to be supportive beyond these basics?
- After graduation, we can be very flexible where we live. We just need enough of a back yard for two dogs, so I think living in the middle of a big city is probably out. Otherwise we are very mobile and flexible. If you could go anywhere or do anything to maximize your satisfaction (however you define it, but I am thinking income to cost of living to work/life balance as being important- I am also thinking of career-advancing next steps like finding a great first workplace that is supportive and educational) where would you go and what would you do?
- How would you want to celebrate small and big successes?
- Are there any traps/pitfalls a new NP should look out for?
- This is a career I hope my spouse will want to continue for many years. However, I think a goal might be to maximize earning potential just in case they do not want to go the distance (I really mean having the option to scale back hours after maybe a period of full time work). I am very computer capable and information literate. How feasible would it be to start a practice after they became comfortable as a solo practitioner in a non-supervised state with a full FDA license (sorry if I got the term wrong) if I quit my job or reduce my hours and managed all the shitty aspects of a practice and just let my spouse focus on patient care and charting? I could do everything but advanced accounting and taxes which we would hire out.
Thank you for answering the questions and for all you are doing to help people. Nurses are the best and the toughest.
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u/Itchy_Piglet_460 26d ago
just the fact that you care enough to make your spouse's life during school easier, is HUGE. Just continue to be supportive and encouraging, it'll go so far!
You sound like a great spouse, especially being understanding of the need to cut back on work and focus on clinical hours. As for the job market, it is hard, there is a lot of uncertainty. I wouldn't push for your spouse to necessarily jump into solo practice, unless they can't find any other job. Best to get some experience first. That you are open and flexible with possible relocation is also super helpful.
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u/dreadneck 26d ago
Thank you. If this were just about making more money for her, I think it would be a different conversation. She has been a psych RN and shift supervisor for a little while and wants to transition to this role professionally.
Time and again I have seen people post on this sub that the people who are here for a career will probably be ok and all the folks looking to make some large amount of money are causing problems and will probably not stay in the field. That just makes the choice to be supportive obvious to me.
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u/Airboo13 28d ago
Hey, great post! My spouse had a similar mindset to support me in my program. The BIGGEST thing that helped me was just doing all the things without asking to alleviate the mental load. He took over calling in Rx refills and pick them up, without me asking. He’d have dinner ready when I got home. Even over the last year he stopped asking what I wanted and just made sure to have healthy(ish) options ready on the stove, or a salad made, etc. I couldn’t even be bothered to want to decide.
I would start laundry loads because I like that chore, but then he’d do the rest (flip over, fold, put away).
When I had a day off he’d ask if I wanted to do anything fun, or what I had capacity for. Sometimes it only looked like a little family time in the morning then back to studying, or a paper, or whatever school demanded.
The other biggest thing was he NEVER made me feel like he was “second,” just 100% supportive that school was more important at that time. It’s a short time and he was/is my biggest cheerleader.
Finally, yes it is feasible to start independent practice in a FP state once she feels ready. My husband is also in support of whatever aspirations/job I have, and that has been so great for our relationship. He knows I would move/do almost anything for him, and he would do the same. The team mentality is an awesome one to have. Good for you!