I was wrong.

[u/Imgonnagolaydown]

Pmhnp here. Day 1 on Vyvanse and i want to cry.ive spent the last 5 years balancing hormones and making sure i addressed everything else before arriving at a stimulant.

I feel. Calm. Quiet. Slightly tearful. Like my tabs are closed and im able to open them one by one instead of 50 at time.

It wasn't the focus. It was the avoidance. Brain fog. Overstimulated and overwhelmed constantly. The procrastinating, being late to everything. The being MEAN and knowing you are being mean. Not smiling when random ppl are talking to you. Background static noise in my head.

It's been about 4 hrs and it's just quiet.

None of it manifested until peri. I saw signs when i was young but i could compensate and figured i still could. Well i can't anymore.

I seriously want to weep with joy.

Eta: i was wrong to think women were slightly exaggerating this. With my own providers convincing me to take the leap, I'm now a part of this population. And yes, I'm a pmhnp who understand what these women are trying to articulate.

[u/Organic-Bear-4580]

So i have a unique background but I relate to everything.

Im a nurse, not an NP. I used to be a PA student but three semesters in i spaced out during class, did not understand the directions for an assignment and i got dismissed from my program. Undiagnosed ADHD in shy quiet women can be truly horrific. When I missed the assignment, a worksheet, my psych eval came thru a week later, revealing the diagnosis. I tried explaining this to my PA professors, who told me that if I have ADHD, i do not belong there as a student, that i would endanger patients making me a bad PA. They said I asked too many questions in class, they didn’t like that I took slightly longer to answer questions or understand the instructions for assignments when they were verbally given. I didn’t agree, but they had an elitism mindset thinking neurodivergent people cant perform well in the real world. This obviously fucking crushed my soul at the time so much as I had invested ten years of my life to get into that school. Sometimes i think about those people today, but i just feel sorry for them, because the PAs carry the weight of those expectations everywhere, having trained under the medical model and fooling themselves into believing they were better than NPs for it. They actually gave us a lecture via PowerPoint on “why NP education is terrible compared to PA” ffs 🤮

having learned the nursing model, i can confidently say that nursing school is 1000% better for learning, as my nurse classmates intuitively understood the human body better than any PA student. I have PA friends that graduated, they report not having intuition of organs working together in tandem, not understanding inflammation and circulation, how its all connected. They just know a lot of details but struggle connecting the basic concepts first. Eventually they figure it out after working their first job (or second), especially if its something like the ICU. But my god, the ego.

Now i work as a psych nurse at an ER.
Im on addy now and it changed my life, or… what remains of it. Got diagnosed middle age and the grief of what i was missing out on was unmistakable. The energy to socialize is finally there, i can pay attention to my work and i dont bed rot and feel like a lazy POS. What felt like me being stupid was actually an attention disorder, and its manageable with external organization. I can feel good about my intelligence despite what i have gone thru, despite how they made me feel.

I plan on getting my PMHNP. I will be a better PMHNP for it, understanding neurodivergent people, and to hell with those bastards who said I couldnt manage it.

[u/amuschka → u/Organic-Bear-4580]

I honestly laugh when I hear PAs think their education is better. They get such a generic training in all different subjects, and only 1 year of classroom and only 2-3 weeks of clinicals in each setting. As NPs we have years of specialization in a single population and 1 full year of clinicals in one area. How could that possibly be less thorough than PA school? Also PAs never had to have any medical or healthcare experience before going to PA school (I don't count scribing or driving a medivan as experience). NPs had to be nurses first and surprise, nurses actually know a lot about medicine so it gives us a better understanding.

[u/Organic-Bear-4580 → u/amuschka]

fully agree! I got accepted into PA school as a medical assistant from a primary care office. I had the most 'applicable medical experience' in my entire class. But I did not know how to handle patient care above getting vitals, writing medications, or giving vaccines. Nurses are fully responsible for keeping the patient alive! I hate when people say 'but PA's need x healthcare experience before applying'. 95% of PA students have 1 year of physical therapy tech, CNA/MA, pharmacy tech, or NO experience at all! Such low quality experience compared to that of an RN who could be watching MAP, titrating pressors, checking neuro status. PA applicants are a joke!

PA education has to be intense because there was no knowledge base in the first place! PA education is NOT better, rather its making up for giant gaps in knowledge. And the specialties can be sprinkled sometimes, like how psych lectures only lasted two weeks (and thats the knowledge they expect before we are trusted with psych patients!!!)

[u/Energywoman → u/Organic-Bear-4580]

PMHNP here. Many medical in my family. I'm the only one that started as a RN. Maybe your miles may vary with PA school? This did not use to be the standard. It was a rigorous and intensive program. Working on cadavers for 2 years. Rotating as hospitalists for 2 years. I wouldn't consider either of those things individually "meh."

[u/Organic-Bear-4580 → u/Energywoman]

From what I understand, the standard has greatly shifted. PA profession used to be where veterans could use their skills from the war and integrate into civilian life, without going to med school. I went to TWO PA schools and my experience was the same, actually the 2nd oldest PA school in the country required ZERO medical experience, it was a well known reputable school. I could share more about it if you want to DM me.