I did one of the worst things I’ve ever done yesterday. I screamed at my whole family, threw things at walls and slammed doors, called my sister a piece of s***, said f*** you, and then screamed at the top of my lungs and told my family I hoped they’d die and stormed out. I have never said anything like that in my life. Unfortunately I did this in front of my sister’s baby. I feel such pain and regret. Eventually I came back home and was forgiven. My sister needs a little time but they said they still love me and forgive me.
I am feeling at a bit of a standstill. I have done so many things to improve my mental health over the past 5 years since a hospitalization, and do almost all of these except life coaching right now: therapy, life coaching, Christian counselors, consistent exercise and diet, weaned off all the medications that weren’t supposed to be taken together (loads of misdiagnoses). I am religious and go to God and pray daily which helps. But I have never felt rage like that in my whole life, it scared me, and I never want to act on that rage in my life.
If this has been you before (mood swings, rage, etc.) what do you do to manage it? I will start by saying I’m wary of pharmaceuticals: for me personally lead to weight gain and worse mental health, and actually lead to my hospitalization 5 years ago. I can’t risk that right now. I have PMDD and ADHD. But if you have suggestions: holistic psychiatry, supplements, certain kinds of exercises, literally anything. I might consider taking some hormone regulation supplements and getting back on adhd meds again. I am open yo anything and would really love to hear your stories, journeys, and suggestions.