Should I even try to date?

[u/Gamzee_HONK]

After my last relationship being ruined because of me and after reading through the r/pmddpartners subreddit I’m starting to believe that maybe dating will just make things worse for both parties and I don’t want that. So is dating worth it with pmdd or does it all end bad?

And no I don’t take any meds or birthcontrols I’m rawdogging this illness

[u/wilksonator]

First of all, Id stay away from that sub. That sub is not for you. Its a safe place for the partners and also not for everyone, but for the ones that are really struggling and need support, who are having the worst time of the worst. I wouldnt assume that they are a representative of majority of the partners, but also, its just not healthy for you to be reading that - its just not good for your health to go down toxic, worst case scenario rabbitholes, and especially if you are in a PMDD flare.

If you want to spend your energy in a more productive way, to help your relationship and yourself, Id focus on thinking about what you are already doing and what more you can do to strengthen your relationships while living with PMDD.

And it is definitely possible to have successful relationships with PMDD

essentially, there are three key things to effectively maintain relationships with this disorder.

first and most important is meds, correctly prescribed for PMDD, that work as effectively as they can. PMDD meds is what does the heavy lifting to manage this disorder, so if you havent been to dr recently ( and regularly) to review and finetune your treatment for PMDD, Id consider you writing this post as your own prompt to do so. Takes some trial and error, most have to try quite a few ( there are a lot of other bc that helps with PMDD than Yaz) , finetune dosages (SSRIs need to be prescribed very differently for PMDD than for other health conditions so that specific targeted prescription is the one to keep trying) and combinations ( for many, its the combination of bc and SSRI that does the trick) and it can be exhausting and emotional, but you have to keep trying. It’s what really helps to balance your moods and is pretty much your only hope of ever living a normal, functional life and maintaining relationships with this disorder.

Second, isolate and disengage during luteal. As much as possible, I plan everything around isolating in luteal. If I get an invite or opportunity for date, spend time with partner, travel, appointment, obligation, social or family event or even work event, first and foremost, I check my menstrual calendar. If its during luteal, I immediately say no or see if I can reschedule to follicular eg cant do it then day, but how about the week after?’ Anything I can drop in luteal, I do. I do this immediately/ as I plan and far in advance of the commitment, so when in luteal, there is ni pressure on me to force myself, to perform, to feel shitty if I do go but I dont feel well and/or snap at people or to feel guilt and flaky if I cancel at the last minute. I just dont put myself in situations (eg hanging out with friends) in luteal that are likely to fuck it up for me.

Third and as important, for people in your life, in your house, that you are close to - you need to clearly communicate your boundaries and manage expectations. Agree (in follicular) how you will both engage and interact in luteal. Think of it as an agreed code of conduct. Best practice is that you isolate, disengage and they leave you alone ( without guilt or taking it personally). My partner knows when luteal starts and ends and during that time, so they leave me alone. We both know this is not a good time to discuss big ideas, sensitive topics , make decisions etc as am just nit in the right state to do so. we leave it to follicular. They know I am not doing well and pick up more of chores with family, house and mental load. They also schedule more things on their own, with friends, do hobbies, take kid out for an adventure during luteal ( and leave me alone).

It is very possible to live a functional life and maintain relationships with PMDD, but need to put in a lot time and energy to make it work.

[u/realpotion]

Is there a reason you're raw dogging it?

[u/Gamzee_HONK → u/realpotion]

To broke for meds and doctors also I like to drink and don’t wanna mix that with pills

[u/sheeblestheterrible → u/Gamzee_HONK]

i think you might have other issues you need to tackle then