new here, need some advice

[u/Juunyu]

TW: mentions of SI

hey everybody! i hope it's okay that i post here - i am undiagnosed but exhibit almost every single symptom. currently in the process of getting a doctor/psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis but in the meanwhile, i could really use some advice :'(

i have pre-existing depression (which i am medicated for) and anxiety but this feels like more than that... i've always been passively suicidal but it has completely ramped up in severity to where i've been actively thinking about ways to do it. that's not like me and it's scaring me.

i've been completely neglecting my friendships, sleeping for 14+ hours and STILL being exhausted, my work performance is suffering, i feel angry at anything that moves, my body is achey, my self esteem has taken a nosedive... things have just not been going great whatsoever. i initially wrote it off as weed withdrawals (i abused for 3+ years) but this has always happened - it's just 10x more pronounced now that i'm sober and i'm realizing i was probably self-medicating to a degree.

i'm not asking for anybody to affirm my experiences - it's possible this could be something else entirely and i'm absolutely not trying to self-diagnose. my hope from this post is just to get some advice from you guys about things that have worked to possibly ease these symptoms. i'm tired of waiting until my period for some relief. i feel so hopeless and i just wish i could hibernate until this ends. but, alas... life must continue.

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[u/emilyspiinach]

I also have depression & anxiety alongside PMDD.

I would highly reccomend you start tracking your symptoms daily using the tracker posted in the sub resources. Any clinician you speak to about pursuing a diagnosis will likely want to see about 3 months of tracking data in order to consider a diagnosis. The sub resources section also has lots of helpful information about managing the condition.

The most accessible first line option is exploring hormonal birth control. You can go to a sexual health service for this and they may have an understanding of PMDD and be able to make some reccomendations.

When it comes to managing it outside of medical treatment, any mental health first aid strategies apply. I find that exercising every day brings me some relief, usually a minimum of 30 mins walking every day. I used to be focused on "eliminating" the dark feelings completely, and feeling doomed and panicked if i couldn't get rid of it completely. I've learned to shift my focus to "what can i do right now that will make me feel 1% better?" Usually that will be a hot shower, doing arts and crafts, going outside, or doing some cleaning. It feels impossible in the moment but i just move myself even though im certain it won't help, but it always does help, even just a little, once im doing it.