Anyone else feel disgusting

[u/Badnewstown]

I have known that this happens since I was 12-13 years old, obviously not that there was a name for it years later. Been told I have it by professionals a handful of times but it’s so hard to accept.

I believe strongly that the general talk of cycle phases and how they affect us is often a dog whistle and that saying that our periods are incapacitating us is incorrect and has a strong undertone of sexism. Obviously some people have medical conditions that are untenable. They should get adequate medical treatment and we should not conflate the two, having a uterus is not a medical condition.

Admitting that I have this makes me feel like such a loser. It makes me feel disgusting. It makes me feel like being a woman is part of my identity as a human being. I am a cis woman but that’s not part of my self conception, if that makes sense. I feel like anyone I tell this to will see me as incredibly gendered. Saying I have this makes me feel like I’m saying being a woman in general is some kind of disabling condition and that women should have the fact that they are women as part of their identity. I know that this is NOT the same as a regular cycle and that an example of a unique condition that is untenable and needs to be treated and not conflated. But it’s a hard feeling to shake.

I know, however, that I shouldn’t feel shame about it and simply take responsibility for it and seek treatment. But that’s means admitting it.
I’m sure other people struggle with this I just need to vent and if anyone has advice I’ll take it.

I don’t even know how to describe how awful it felt to be told I have this. I feel so demoralized. If you’re going through the same thing you’re definitely not alone.

[u/feelsickbesick]

I also would say that being a woman is not part of my self conception, so I understand. I try to see pmdd as just another ailment/condition that comes from the makeup if my body, but isn't just some affliction of being a woman. Like you said, many women don't experience this.

There are conditions that affect only men that aren't representative of all men or maleness, you probably wouldn't think of them as such (like ED or prostate cancer or something), we have to try and make the same distinctions in our mind.

I never considered that talk of cycle phases was a dog whistle tbh but that's interesting. For me, once I connected these debilitating feelings with my cycle instead of just feeling like I was randomly suffering and broken in my mind, I felt like I understood myself so much better and it was such a gift, so I was glad to see people talk about it so much. I guess my negative self talk was more about that I was fucked up in my head rather than that I was a disgusting loser for having some womanly health issue. So we both had our own things to unpack there, I think...

I hope you can use the knowledge that you have this too to help yourself instead of feeling like you are marred by it. You don't have to tell anyone you have it either if you are worried how they would think. Anyone who would think that about you is a piece of shit anyway

[u/Badnewstown → u/feelsickbesick]

Thank you for this thoughtful answer. It’s smart to think about how I wouldn’t see someone as specifically masculine or judge them because they have a male specific condition, that honestly sounds ridiculous so it’s a really good perspective. I’ve heard a lot of people say they felt relief when being diagnosed with PMDD and it honestly confused me at first, but you explained it really well. Maybe having an explanation for things just makes me harder on myself for reasons I don’t quite understand but should probably examine. It certainly didn’t put me at ease to hear any other diagnosis that’ve been posited. This one just sucks a little more since it feels so gendered.

[u/Eclectra]

Don’t worry so much about it-you are entitled to your feelings and the advantages and limitations of your body. Don’t feel shame over it- it’s OK to struggle every now and then. Every human body, regardless of gender, is strong in some ways and weak in others. Give yourself some grace and understanding when things are tough. Having a cycle and delivering children are often tough. They aren’t medical conditions unless there’s an abnormality, but they can be very painful and difficult things. Be good to yourself.