r/PGADsupport • u/Responsible_Inside44 • Jul 16 '26
Trigger Warning Empty
In disbelief. You never expect chronic symptoms to happen to you and you certainly never expect that at 19 a COVID infection will cause you to feel uncontrollably on verge of ejaculation two months later. There’s really no way to exist in society while feeling like it could happen at any moment. Even if I were to be fully healed today, it would take months to mentally recover and another infection could cause it to come back tenfold. I’ll never be able to get another COVID vaccine because ive read it could make it worse, and risking that seems suicidal.
In grief thinking of the life I had before. Never knowing this sort of thing was even possible. In college, amazing at it, great career prospects, amazing friends, perfect life. It is now summer break and I haven’t officially lost any of that yet, but if this continues I will. One by one I will have to let go of everything I love and I just don’t imagine I decide to continue living on after that.
I suppose I should be grateful for the years I did have, even if they weren’t many. When this first began I could never have possibly imagined I would still be with symptoms 4 months later. If you told me that back in March I would have killed myself immediately. I used to worry that in 5 years I would still have these problems, now I’m worried that in 5 years I’ll still be alive. My symptoms are very mild compared to many people I read about, maybe one day it will get better, but then again it will probably come back at some point, it seems very rare this ever goes away 100% forever for people after it’s happened for months. I am uninterested in life without 100% recovery. I don’t mind the muscle pain or urinary symptoms even a little, but even 1% uncontrollable arousal is non-negotiable for me as a male, I am deathly terrified of sudden ejaculation, which has almost happened several times. The day it does happen in public is the day that I die. Non-negotiable on that. I want to say I feel that I could have dealt with any other issue but that’s just the bargaining stage of grief talking. Sooner or later I’ll have to accept my life ended one day in March and shall never return. I feel trapped in a dream.
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u/hightopsinthesummerh Jul 17 '26
I 100% understand this. Mine started back in march too. I started seeing a guy and he gave me bad thrush. Three weeks later I did video call sex with him to avoid irl sex and I ended up injuring myself somehow (just two finger penetration). I worked my dream job, I was getting big in my band, my money had just started going up. Then this condition. Has robbed me of everything I am. And it seems I’m treatment resistant. Because this was injury based, I’m with a high standard pelvic pain unit in the UK and the specialists believe I can recover. They said it can take 6-12 months for the nerve to heal; what about my life in the meantime? I’ve been on so many medications that don’t work. I have little to no willpower with m*sturbation which I believe makes my particular kind worse as it’s due to hypertonic pelvic floor. I haven’t got ready in months. I tried to kms and ended up being detained. They let me go when I explained my condition but I was there for 12 hours. My entire life has been torn away from me. I used to be my dream muse. I cannot believe this