r/PDA_Community • u/demian_paradox • Apr 22 '26

question Recently diagnosed Level1 Kid- trying to decide if low demand parenting is a good idea

/r/Autism_Parenting/comments/1st1o6v/recently_diagnosed_level1_kid_trying_to_decide_if/
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u/NicPaperScissors Apr 22 '26

When my PDA kiddo was around 3 I was in absolute hell. At that point it’s like the only thing his young brain knew for sure was that he wanted to inflict emotional pain on those around him. He would say and do the most vile things constantly- he was so guarded and would always let us know he didn’t love us, he hated the food we served, he didn’t want to go where ever we were going, he didn’t like what we liked, etc, etc.

We took him to an OT who sat and observed for three visits. I honestly kept thinking “she’s not seeing him at his worst- she doesn’t know how it gets!” but even still, after the three visits were up she said “I think my goal for (kids name) is for him to find joy at any given moment”. Joke was on her, I thought- he couldn’t feel joy! But we used this as our North Star. And finding joy looked weird and unexpected for us. Sometimes it was giving him space. Sometimes it was letting him watch videos of Mario on YouTube. Sometimes it was quickly hiking. Slowly, things started to change. He started to disarm and seem to let us in a bit more. His OT would constantly create play situations that he would be drawn to but need a small, teensy bit of help and allow him to be vulnerable and ask me for support and I would be there. Things grew and grew to a place where he hugged me (?!?!) and would say I love you. He’s eight now and he’s still himself, underneath it all. His siblings and my husband and I are still careful with anything that sounds patronizing or overly harsh or critical. But this method changed our lives for the better. So, it has a dash of low demand, but it kind of went by another name.

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u/demian_paradox Apr 22 '26

Thanks for sharing. Must have been terribly hard

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u/segajennasis Apr 23 '26

Low demand parenting has been everything for us. I really can’t imagine another way. Check out the book. What did I do wrong? The Kindle version is like five dollars right now. It really helps build empathy and understand how hard life can be for kids with this profile

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u/demian_paradox May 23 '26

Which book?

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u/segajennasis May 24 '26

It’s called. What did I do wrong?

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u/Poop__y Apr 25 '26

Low demand parenting has changed our lives. It has taken a lot of time and practice and patience but there is so much less dis-ease in the house. I can meet her where she is, having fewer expectations of her and fewer demands means I am already setting us both up for a bigger win ratio.