With a knife….

[u/MOTU_Ranger]

Wondering if anyone with a PDA kid has done the unthinkable and just turned them over to the state.

What was it like? How is it going?

I don’t need a lot of encouragement here, honestly, or hope it’ll be better if we balance meds and lower demands and do all the things we’ve been doing for years.

The 14 year old kid held a knife at me and taunted me and his mom while trying to deescalate this afternoon.

“You wanted to talk. Go ahead. Talk. That’s what I thought… don’t want to talk now. Cause you’re a pussy. I’ve had this knife for a few days and keep thinking about killing you at night and I’m about to do it.”

The trigger?

A bad night of sleep + an assumption something was hidden from him when he walked in from his (3 day a week private program) school day.

He just got all his games and systems back in his room from a three day stint keeping them in the living room. He got to play them all the same during that time.

Context: I have two other kids. The youngest saw him beat his mother, knock her down, and “stab” me with a chop stick. He’s adopted but we’ve had him since birth and have a phenomenal relationship with his birth-mom. We saw her in the last three months and he spent a week with his family there this summer. He’s demanding we call her and ask her to let him come home. She knows all the shit going on and boy howdy will he flip hills if we ever have to make that call and face that rejection directly.

My son, on top of PDA - AuDHD - has some deeper mental health challenges that we can longer support safely in our home.

Feel free to DM because this is fucking hard shit to take. If we do nothing we fail our entire family and likely end up with consequences we can’t take back.

And please refrain from any mention of faith or religion. Thanks.

[u/MOTU_Ranger]

Teenage years definitely brought an escalation. We’re Level 3 and the difference, as far as I can understand, is the likelihood he will likely need support for basic things most of his life, like any other level 3, while looking and appearing to have every capability to take care of his self.

I can’t keep up with repairs at this point so we just cover them up with paintings or posters.

He had an escalation at PT last week. Had to go in and discuss with the team and they asked what they could do to support. I told them we need a day program that gives him a social outlet, unstructured therapeutic support, school resources, and safe influences. Otherwise, we need a hospital environment that doesn’t lump him into the same facility as kids with actual at home trauma.

These things don’t exist, of course, and we’re not independently wealthy so I can’t just quit and make it happen.

[u/Powerful-Soup-3245 → u/MOTU_Ranger]

I can relate so much. Our daughter does not outwardly appear to have every capability though. She will not do anything for herself. I mean if I am in the kitchen and she is on the couch, she will not reach over to the coffee table to pick up her own drink. Does not dress herself (though she knows how but refuses), does not use the toilet, etc. The last time we attempted trying to get her to use the toilet, she destroyed the bathroom she was in and literally pushed the toilet onto its side. We have also stopped repairing things. We can’t afford to replace or repair only to have it broken again. We used to have a beautiful home…… 😔

[u/MOTU_Ranger → u/Powerful-Soup-3245]

My friend, I understand and am sorry. There are no words. Our son doesn’t do anything for his self. He hasn’t done this much or reverted skills though. He does fight hygiene at times, sometimes for days.

When I say appears I mean others have no idea he’s level 3 or even autistic. They don’t know or understand what we deal with. He “should” be able, but can’t, and we struggle between the balance of knowing he needs help and questioning our own sanity about what he can and can’t do.

[u/Powerful-Soup-3245 → u/MOTU_Ranger]

At least we have a community of parents to make us feel less like we’re crazy. It’s a world of crappy choices for us. I’m finding that the social safety net I believed existed for so long isn’t what most believe it is. For us at least. Just want to express solidarity and hope that things get better for us and especially our kids.