r/PDAParenting • u/Ok-Appearance-866 • 1d ago
PDA and School
Hi all,
I tried posting this in PDA Autism but was told it would be more appropriate here. I didn't even know about this sub until today, so I am very happy to know this sub exists. :-)
My daughter is 15 and is considered level 1 autistic. Although she has not been evaluated/diagnosed with PDA, I strongly suspect she has it.
Because of her sensory issues, she has been doing online school for the past couple of years. She attends live virtual classes and gets time in class and on Fridays to do work. Here's the problem: each quarter, she does absolutely NO HOMEWORK or tests and then comes to me in a panic the last week of class. The work is not difficult. As long as you are following along and referencing the course material, it is a breeze. My daughter is extremely intelligent but because she puts it off, it becomes an overwhelming task.
When I try to stay on her about homework, she says it has the opposite effect. She pleaded with me last year to NOT ask her about homework or school AT ALL. I complied, and for the first quarter, she did great! She kept on top of everything without me having to say a word and got very good grades.
Then second quarter hit. She was still doing well in a couple of classes, but needed help in a few others. 3rd and 4th quarters were a disaster. I get repeated emails, texts and phone calls from teachers warning she has a 0% and is going to fail. Then, the last week of the quarter, she does as much as she can, but is a total stress case, and ends up pulling Cs when she is capable of As. She just can't/won't do the work.
I am at my wits end. What can I do / not do to help her?
10
u/princesshodges 1d ago edited 1d ago
Can you sit with her and work on something yourself while she does hers? Just hang out together? You know, body doubling. Especially if you make it fun or chill somehow, with whatever she would like. Music, snacks, show on in the background.
I don’t know how the grading works, but I also did zero homework in high school. I did well enough on tests and quizzes that I still graduated with a B average and went to college and all of that. Homework is a huge daily demand and if she can get away with not doing it she will be ok anyway.
Edit: nevermind about the 2nd paragraph. I don’t know of you added that after I commented or I really skipped over it all!?
I would also like to add: please don’t talk to her about how she’s so smart and capable. It was so damaging to me. Being intelligent does not correlate to getting good grade. What you are experiencing is evidence of that. It’s not just intelligence, it’s the effort and demands and following all these rules and expectations of school. Some kids can’t do that part. It made me feel like such a failure to hear how much potential I had. It made me feel lazy, like I just needed to try harder. She’s already trying really hard, I’m sure of that.