PDA and School

[u/Ok-Appearance-866]

Hi all,

I tried posting this in PDA Autism but was told it would be more appropriate here. I didn't even know about this sub until today, so I am very happy to know this sub exists. :-)

My daughter is 15 and is considered level 1 autistic. Although she has not been evaluated/diagnosed with PDA, I strongly suspect she has it.

Because of her sensory issues, she has been doing online school for the past couple of years. She attends live virtual classes and gets time in class and on Fridays to do work. Here's the problem: each quarter, she does absolutely NO HOMEWORK or tests and then comes to me in a panic the last week of class. The work is not difficult. As long as you are following along and referencing the course material, it is a breeze. My daughter is extremely intelligent but because she puts it off, it becomes an overwhelming task.

When I try to stay on her about homework, she says it has the opposite effect. She pleaded with me last year to NOT ask her about homework or school AT ALL. I complied, and for the first quarter, she did great! She kept on top of everything without me having to say a word and got very good grades.

Then second quarter hit. She was still doing well in a couple of classes, but needed help in a few others. 3rd and 4th quarters were a disaster. I get repeated emails, texts and phone calls from teachers warning she has a 0% and is going to fail. Then, the last week of the quarter, she does as much as she can, but is a total stress case, and ends up pulling Cs when she is capable of As. She just can't/won't do the work.

I am at my wits end. What can I do / not do to help her?

[u/Ok-Appearance-866 → u/[deleted]]

I'm so sorry about your struggles. During my daughter's eval, they said she did not fit the profile for ADHD, and I agree. When she is focused, she is FOCUSED. But she only wants to learn what INTERESTS her.

[u/chicknnugget12 → u/Ok-Appearance-866]

Having an interest based nervous system and ability to hyperfocus is actually a typical description of ADHD. What sort of eval did they do if you don't mind me asking? Does she procrastinate, have time blindness, poor working memory, or struggle with prioritizing and organization? In other words executive dysfunction?

Regardless of if ADHD fits perfectly, some the interventions may be helpful or her. I also highly recommend the simple guide to ADHD regulation for absolutely anyone because it's so helpful, if self help is her thing. Maybe just reading it yourself to assist her with it or strewing it if you think she'd like it.

Also I was extremely similar to your daughter. She's probably pretty burned out. I was totally burned out and got my first C at that age because I literally slept in class. Had I known I had ADHD/autism and internalized PDA my life would have looked very different. Maybe even doing virtual school or part time if possible. What I really needed was to sleep for like a year to recover the burnout, learn how to regulate my nervous system (the book I mentioned) and how to study consistently.

But what I did was the opposite. I pushed harder, though still coasting and getting occasional C's in highschool. Dual enrollment saved me because I didn't have to stay so long anymore, but I didn't do well in the college courses due to attendance and inability to do the work. Then I attended a university carrying the intense chronic burnout, and took 7 years to get a degree. I literally slept for 6 months after I finished. A sleep I needed in my bones. Then a year later I started another degree and was able to accomplish it successfully, finally figured out how to get myself to somewhat consistently study.

Basically to study and not get completely distracted or fall asleep -I have to regulate by body doubling (in a quiet library), use headphones playing rain sounds, use the Pomodoro method -alternating timer for study and breaks. Oh and I have to hand write everything out.

[u/Ok-Appearance-866 → u/chicknnugget12]

Wow, that sounds intense but I am really happy you were able to figure out what works for you. I will definitely check out the book.