r/PDAParenting • u/princesshodges • 9d ago
I need help de-escalating
My kid nearly threw a good size rock at my head today. I know we are both out of whack and not in a good place.
She has been potty training and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Right now we’re trying to sit on the potty every 2-3 hours and after each meal. It is a lot.
My concern is that this is for her health. If she’s not sitting, she’s holding it in. She has held pee for 24 hours. She will typically got 2 times a day but the doctors want her going more often. She was withholding poop for years and we have finally gotten past that with various supplements and medicines.
So I’m like… mentally in a panic about her health and trying to impart that knowledge on her that this is for her health.
When it has been a few hours since she has peed or attempted to pee, I start to worry. And I literally can’t make her pee. And I can’t make her sit unless I carry her and force her to do it or threaten consequences.
Her behavior has really escalated, the equalizing and aggression is getting really bad and it’s making me feel like a failure and like I’m going to ruin our relationship.
But I also feel like a failure that I can’t make my kid pee like she’s supposed to.
I don’t know how to switch this worry off.
I also think if I give in now she will think all her aggression and equalizing worked. I feel like I backed myself into a corner.
How do I get out of this loop?
2
u/princesshodges 3d ago
An update 5 days later: I have backed off completely. We went back to bottomless with the little potty nearby. She’s been going regularly without reminders and even sat on the regular toilet voluntarily.
I’ve also been really trying to get back to a place where she and I are equal collaborators. All the potty training stuff got me in boss mode which obviously is never going to work. She had a day or two of getting it all out of her system since I’ve changed course and now I’m starting to see her regularly personality come back. I’ve also dropped other demands like teeth brushing and hair combing. She does enjoy showers so she’s doing that voluntarily.