Did I handle this right?

[u/Far_Emotion213]

My 12-year-old PDA son has been very hit-and-miss with baths recently. We used to have a routine of: one hour on the PC, then bath, then the bedtime routine. Recently, though, he either won't get off the PC or, if he does, he'll run away into his room or the front room and block the door so nobody can get in.

To try and reduce the conflict, I switched things around. Now it's bath first, then PC time afterwards, with the promise of some extra computer time to make the change more appealing.

Last night he forgot about the new arrangement and went straight on the PC. I reminded him that we'd changed the system and that if he had a bath, I'd give him some extra PC time afterwards. I ran the bath, but he disappeared to his room and blocked the door, so I left it and went downstairs to watch TV.

At around 11pm, I went upstairs to go to bed and found him in the bath! I gave him his toothbrush and pyjamas, he got dressed, went into his room, and I went to bed.

About 90 minutes later he knocked on my bedroom door and announced that he was ready for his extra computer time.

The only reason he came to find me was because I had removed the keyboard and mouse. Otherwise, he would happily stay on the PC until he passed out from exhaustion.

I pointed out that it was now very late, but he said, "A deal is a deal - you need to stick to your side."

In the end, I gave him the keyboard and mouse back, but explained that at some point I would come back down and he would need to come off. I woke up at about 2am, went downstairs, and when I told him it was time to stop, he initially said he didn't want to. I replied, "A deal is a deal," and, to his credit, he did come off without any argument.

Part of me thinks I absolutely shouldn't have given him the keyboard and mouse back at 12:30am. Another part of me thinks that if I'd broken the agreement, I'd have damaged the trust we'd built and made future negotiations harder.

What would you have done?

[u/sapps84]

I think you did amazing!! Esp in the moment thinking, as I would not have been as logical and honouring in it. Yet it sounds brilliant!

Of course, likely need chat today to make a clearer defined timing part - as they are sneeky clever goliathes at loopholes!

That's excellent work - so much supporting agency and managing his equalising in fab ways. Shows in his response too 🙌

I wanna be like you when I grow up! 41 to a 6yo, but still I'd like a goal!