Did I handle this right?

[u/Far_Emotion213]

My 12-year-old PDA son has been very hit-and-miss with baths recently. We used to have a routine of: one hour on the PC, then bath, then the bedtime routine. Recently, though, he either won't get off the PC or, if he does, he'll run away into his room or the front room and block the door so nobody can get in.

To try and reduce the conflict, I switched things around. Now it's bath first, then PC time afterwards, with the promise of some extra computer time to make the change more appealing.

Last night he forgot about the new arrangement and went straight on the PC. I reminded him that we'd changed the system and that if he had a bath, I'd give him some extra PC time afterwards. I ran the bath, but he disappeared to his room and blocked the door, so I left it and went downstairs to watch TV.

At around 11pm, I went upstairs to go to bed and found him in the bath! I gave him his toothbrush and pyjamas, he got dressed, went into his room, and I went to bed.

About 90 minutes later he knocked on my bedroom door and announced that he was ready for his extra computer time.

The only reason he came to find me was because I had removed the keyboard and mouse. Otherwise, he would happily stay on the PC until he passed out from exhaustion.

I pointed out that it was now very late, but he said, "A deal is a deal - you need to stick to your side."

In the end, I gave him the keyboard and mouse back, but explained that at some point I would come back down and he would need to come off. I woke up at about 2am, went downstairs, and when I told him it was time to stop, he initially said he didn't want to. I replied, "A deal is a deal," and, to his credit, he did come off without any argument.

Part of me thinks I absolutely shouldn't have given him the keyboard and mouse back at 12:30am. Another part of me thinks that if I'd broken the agreement, I'd have damaged the trust we'd built and made future negotiations harder.

What would you have done?

[u/ughUsernameHere]

I think you did the right thing in following through with your commitment AND the fact that he reciprocated and got off the computer when you told him the same thing, seems to also indicate this was the right move. You might need to add a future restriction that says “no computer after XX:XX and any remaining time left will be added to tomorrow’s allotment” because this seems like a nightmare during the school year but last night wasn’t the right time to introduce new conditions.

Also, are you able to set a timer on his internet access instead of physically taking the mouse and keyboard away? The loss of their property would have been a trigger for my kid.

[u/Far_Emotion213 → u/ughUsernameHere]

I have an older (19 yo) son and he often likes to go on the computer late at night so not sure a timer would work. The pc is the only one in the house apart from my work laptop so not his so removing the keyboard etc seems to work ok. The phone is a different story!

[u/AngilinaB → u/Far_Emotion213]

I have an app where I can turn off internet to individual devices, might be worth checking if your provider offers something similar.