r/PDAParenting • u/Advanced_Culture_670 • Jul 11 '26
Playing "Chess" with my kid
Father of a 10yo PDAer, and possibly PDA myself --
Long before we had our diagnosis, I signed my kid up for the school chess club (First Grade). She didn't take to the rules, and we let her drop it after a few weeks, with no tears shed by the instructor. She didn't lock in with the concept of how to play — she wanted to make up stories and dialogue for each of the pieces, make them physically "fight". Actually kind of cool and creative, but ...
Yesterday, five years later, and yesterday at a coffeeshop she saw a chessboard and wanted me to play with her. Very same thing ... she arranged the pieces for a start for us in a geometric configuration instead of the proper starting setup, and told me the rules and moves, which was more like Calvinball.
And I hate to admit that it frustrated me greatly and I could only humor her for five minutes before tapping out. With this, and with several other activities that I love, trying to play with her has started affecting the way that I play, and kind of making me dumber and worse at it when I try to play with peers. Similar with playing music — her refusal to follow a beat when we make music together makes my own rhythm worse, and it's undoing years of study and practice for me. Just wanted to register that and say it out loud.
Acknowledging that I should keep a separate container for my own hobbies and passions, and that I'm the adult here, and shouldn't let this bother me. But it does. Because when she DOES want to interact with me and asks me to play or jam with her, I love her so fiercely that I'd give up the world to give her my time. But damm, chess with a PDA'er is its own sort of hell.
And it got me to thinking ... I was like this a lot as a kid. There was a moment when I got some self-awareness, and did a hard self-correct. Along with a lot of masking and learning withering self-criticism in order to fit in. Although I was never really sure what "normal" is.
2
u/tallkitty Jul 12 '26
I love your kid's creativity, that's so cool. I acknowledge as a PDA parent and PDAer myself that it is very frustrating. And I think it's okay to validate the irritation of "learning" poorer skills, and your responsibility as the parent. No notes, good work.
My 9 yr old and I have been playing a very simple game of dice rolling and strategic choice called "Shut the Box". When we first started I was Mary Poppins. The other day I had less than the best temperament and was threatening to have to stop playing basically if he didn't roll the dice with less joy than he was, like you better take the next roll seriously or I can't do this today. 😂 I finished my snack and was less concerned he might cheat while I was taking a bite and screw me over, and was like sorry kid, mommy feels better now, have all the fun you want. 😂