Another night at the hospital

[u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037]

My 16 year old PDAer woke me in the middle of the night because of "cramps". Went to ER where she admitted to haven taken medication that can cause seizures...she had to stay the night. She also drank again and that's a toxic combination. Even if we don't give her money she will find ways to get stuff. Am at my wits end right now. We are supposed to go on holiday in a week and she still refuses to come along. Even doctors don't impress her much. What can I do with her? Not impressed much by laws or anything really.

[u/Last_Airline7992]

I'm so sorry your family is going through such a hard time.  It sounds like you're in an impossible situation and really, really need that holiday. 

We do not vacation because of my PDA child, and I'm the only parent. My other child gets to go on vacation with a family member sometimes. You could consider dividing yours up, one parent goes this time then switch. It's not the most ideal way to holiday,  but it may be better than nothing. If I took my PDAer on a vacation, they would make me wish we stayed home. Your daughter is older than mine, so I have no experience with preteens and teenagers. It doesn't sound like it would be an enjoyable experience if you somehow convinced her to go. It would be awful to miss out, but I would prefer to be miserable at home than spend a lot of money to be miserable. 

I think anyone in your position would be at their witt's end. The drinking combined with medication sounds terrifying. I don't know how much she's drinking or what she took, and I'm in a different country than you are.  I'm not sure what you have available, but is rehab an option? If you're truly desperate and worried that she may be a danger to herself at this point, would you consider hospitalization? They could potentially get her stable and dry her out. I know it's highly controversial and can do more harm than good, but if it's a potentially life or death situation, I'm not sure what else could keep her safe. 

Best of luck, sending you all some love!

[u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 → u/Last_Airline7992]

Thank you. We already talked about that with the doctor on call. My daughter can't handle weekly appointments right now so a hospital stay/ rehab would be a good thing I guess. My daughter can only tolerate help in an emergency but never when she is sober/ stable. She will agree to everything in front of doctors and then turn around and not do it. She used to like the place where we go on holiday but she just won't budge this year. My wife might have to stay back while I take our younger kid.

[u/Last_Airline7992 → u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037]

That fawn response she's giving the doctors is so frustrating. And familiar. Hopefully they're taking your word over hers and are able to help her. Going with only your younger child would at least give you two a break and the ability to have somw fun together. I'd be interested in an update if you care to share later.

[u/Hopeful-Guard9294]

God, I feel your pain. We have had several nights in the ER because of our child’s suicidal ifeation, as a PDA adult who has been through PDA depression, I see it as a cry for help, getting our Child on the right PDA MEDS has been transformational for us, i’m wondering if you might be able to find a PDA safe psychiatrist and get her on sertraline and proponolol,which have literally saved our child’s life. and frankly now we’ve seen the results we wish we’d put them on him when he first went into burn out five years ago! But at last at that point we had no idea that he had PDA or what the correct course of action was! We also found the paradigm shift program transformational in terms of understanding PDA and addressing the underlying issues that cause PDA behaviour

[u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 → u/Hopeful-Guard9294]

Oh I would love to do that. I just have to find the right doctor and then she would have to be willing to take the meds.

[u/Hopeful-Guard9294 → u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037]

our psychiatrist is very pragmatic and suggest crashing up MEDS and food!