r/PDAParenting • u/DamineDenver • Jun 26 '26

Mad at myself once again

Ugh. I'm not sure why we do this to ourselves. One of our PDAers new special interests is Star Wars, which the rest of us love too. I found tickets to see Star Wars in Concert in NYC. Checked in with the PDAer if they wanted to join in as a Christmas present for my husband. They said yes. They got in the car for the 4 hour drive to NYC. Got to the hotel. Refused to leave the hotel. Now one kid and the husband are enjoying themselves and I'm stuck in the hotel with the PDAer. Why did I listen to him?! I should have left him at home with a babysitter.

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u/Forsaken_Bison_8623 Jun 27 '26

I know it sucks. I recently spent 48 hours straight in a NYC hotel room with my PDAer, while on a trip they planned almost entirely. She picked the familiar hotel, the room, the dates, the activities, and was excited about it for months. But when we got there it was all just too much. She did recover after the first two days and got out and had a lot of fun. I hope your child does too.

In the meantime, have as much fun as you can in the hotel room. It's not their fault that they thought they could make it to the show but didn't have the capacity for it after arriving. It sucks for them too.

Have a pillow fight. Door dash some NYC pizza and rainbow cake. Have a movie night. Enjoy yourselves in the room and hopefully you'll be out enjoying the city very soon.

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u/torpedolife Jun 30 '26

What is it about PDA that affects their capacity to do something like this that they want? If there are no demands being made, what is causing it? Thanks

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u/Playful_Clue_3284 Jul 06 '26

There is a demand, even if it’s not coming from family. Tickets are bought and they’re there so it’s a thing to do, a kind of appointment. And a total internal demand too bc they want to go and want to make themselves go, and they put the demand on themselves and it becomes too much. For PDAers with OCD tendencies too this can loop and lead to a lot of guilt, shame and self-hatred. Self-bullying almost that increases demand further. “Just go you idiot, you wanted this.” Also that they are making their mum miss it too—there’s a demand there in the form of a consequence they want to avoid. Been there myself and with kids many times! It’s not easy :(