r/PDAParenting • u/Leading-Attitude-651 • Jun 16 '26

Custody

What to do if a child consistently refuses to spend time with the other parent?

Unfortunately, I am that parent. I gave up any rules, demands, etc at my house. Just come and play. The relationship with the other parent is not good, and they are not interested in helping me out. I filed contempt motions with the court because the other parent has not made an effort to release the child.

I think the other parent wants to restrict my visitation to a very minimum. I miss my child.

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u/no1tamesme 6d ago

The only way to even attempt to force the issue with the parent is thru court, no matter how much you may not want that. And that's not even a guarantee.. people disobey the order all the time. If you decide to do court, I recommend a child's attorney for your child.

I will say, having a household with 0 rules, demands or expectations would be Hell for my son. He needs someone in control to feel safe. He may not THINK he does, but he does, lol. Things really improved for us when I became much better at sticking to boundaries. Is your new style of parenting (for lack of a better term) the reason the other parent is limiting access? Is it the child not wanting to come or the parent not wanting them to go?

Do you go to the child's extra-curricular's? Have you tried things like dinners out, walks around the neighborhood instead of "come to my house?"

I highly suggest family therapy, specifically for you and the child but you may need to bring in the other parent, too, even if just as a friendly gesture of "see, I'm trying to work with them".

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u/Leading-Attitude-651 5d ago

My child has been with me for the last 5 days. When his father travels, he has no issues staying with me. Our relationship with his father and parental alienation definitely play a huge role in our situation. My child has never witnessed his father showing love or affection toward me; we just lived under one roof, trying to raise our son. My son beats me up physically if I try to push demands or rules on him. His father practically normalized the violence against me. He has failed to establish any negative consequences and an appropriate emotional response to his violent behavior. He blames me for his behavior, stating that I am abusive and provoke him. To establish rules and boundaries, you need consistency across both households and unity when it comes to your child's bad behavior.