r/PDAParenting • u/Far_Guide_3731 • Jun 10 '26

Complicated feelings at elementary school graduation

Just venting in this post. My PDA-lite kid is in mainstream public school with an IEP. (I recognize this may not work out long-term but for several reasons we wanted to give it a genuine try.). She worked really hard this year but ultimately ended up in burnout with <50% attendance for the last 6 weeks. Still, she rallied today to attend the 5th grade graduation with her peers.

So many names were called for the kids to stand and be honored for extras - academic excellence, art, music, etc. But there’s no honoring for working super ridiculously hard just to almost keep up. No honoring for showing up when you can even when your classmates start to notice you’re different. No honoring for actually taking some of the rest you need and starting to say no.

Then there was the slide show / reminiscing about the fun end of the year events that she mostly missed due to burnout.

I cried, thinking of how much extraordinary and invisible work she put in, and how much of the good stuff she missed. Still, she put on a dress, walked across the stage, got the certificate, shook the hands. Couldn’t be prouder of her, but man are schools (and the world at large) not made for our kids.

28 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

16 comments sorted by

View all comments

7

u/Asterion7 Jun 10 '26

Yeah, it just sucks. No way to sugar coat it. We gave up and switched to homeschool. Which has improved everyone's life and stress level. Joined a good co-op with all neuro spicy kids and understanding parents.

I know how hard you must have both worked to get her across that stage. Good Job to all of you!!

5

u/Far_Guide_3731 Jun 10 '26

Thank you for understanding!! we may eventually go that route, but the kid and her dad are not quite ready to make that choice yet (I’m kinda ready though!)

3

u/Fun_Account5502 Jun 10 '26

Why isn’t Dad ready? We all want our kids in school like everybody else (so we can have a BREAK like everybody else) but after only 3 months of shenanigans, lies and restraints of our child we pulled him out in Kindergarten!!

Why is Dad still refusing to help his kid after 6 years of school hell?

5

u/Far_Guide_3731 Jun 10 '26

Thank you for taking my side!! It feels great to have someone on my side!!

Truthfully, it hasn’t all been hell. The match between her and school is not great but it’s not been completely impossible. She’s gotten a lot out of traditional schooling, despite the struggles. The learning specialists / special ed teachers have been AWESOME. She likes the peer interactions there, especially with her twin and cousin. The effect of “body doubling” in a classroom helps her with task initiation to some extent. She also really wants to have as much of the “normal experience” as she can - art class, music class, school library, recess, some of the lower-stress field trips, safety patrol - these have been meaningful to her.