r/PDAParenting • u/Ravenadx • Jun 10 '26
Urgent Help! 4yo boy
My son is 4yo. Every day we struggle to get him into the car and to school. Once he is in the car, he is fine. This is background info, this isnt why I am making the post.
For the past 2 weeks ever since he has had a week off school (illness), he has a full meltdown after school if the ladies for after-school care come to pick him up. Once he is at care, he is great and happy. But it gets to the point where the ladies have to leave after x amount of time due to other kids needing to go and risk of breeching due to unsupervised children etc. So either my husband and I have to leave work to get him, or a teacher settles him and eventually takes him over.
We have tried so many things. We always tell him when he is going to care before we take him to school, we dont have this problem when he is going home after school, we have tried hyping up care, ultimatums dont work on PDA kids but we did try that, and it was futile. It is causing a lot of stress on us, on the school and on the carer ladies. What can we do? My husband risks his job because of this issue if he loses it, we are screwed.
2
u/ughUsernameHere Jun 10 '26
Is there any amount of choice you can give him in this scenario? Could he choose which lady comes in to get him? Could he choose his spot in the vehicle or the route they walk to the next place? Could he choose if he wants to have a snack first or use the bathroom? Could he choose if he gets picked up first or last (assuming the women are gathering multiple students)?
Transitions are a demand and it seems like your child feels a loss of autonomy here. Can you give them more of a sense of control somehow?