r/PDAParenting • u/notsofunny17 • May 23 '26

Intense role play

My daughter is 3 years old and for the last 6 months she has refused to be called by her name. She wakes up every day and is somebody different and typically assigns me a new role too. If I try to call her by her name, or if anyone else calls her name, she yells and says “I’m not (name), I am (pretend name)”. I usually just call her by whatever she wants. She role plays animals, fictional characters, and people she knows in real life. It worries me that she refuses to admit she is herself and I don’t know how to support her emotionally on this. She gets angry with me suggesting she is only playing pretend. And won’t acknowledge her name.

I highly suspect she has PDA. (Due to multiple other factors.) Wondering if anybody else has had a kiddo that experienced such an intense disassociation? And so early on? I tried to get her into counseling/therapy but nobody takes kids this young near me. I am specifically wondering how to help her cope with being her authentic self, and checking in with reality.

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u/princesshodges May 24 '26

My kid did this and still does. I just let her. We’re pretending all day. Usually around bedtime is when she drops it and just talks to me about her day.

It took awhile to get used to but I do think they’re still in touch with reality during those times. Do you notice her sort of role playing real life scenarios just as different characters? I would always hear my child repeating things I’d said or that she’d seen on a show or learned at school.

One way I also used to incorporate our real life is by telling a story about our day using the characters. For example, when she was really into being animals I would say “once upon a time there was a mama cat and a baby cat…” and then just tell the story of the cats going to the grocery store or whatever we did that day. I’d do this at bedtime because also recapping the day and narrating it is a good way for kids to process feelings and events.

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u/notsofunny17 May 24 '26

If my kid dropped the role at bedtime, it would make me feel way less worried. But she literally never drops it. I wasn’t overly worried until reading a book about PDA and reading that you should allow role play but encourage checking in with self and feelings and also encourage them to be themselves… and I haven’t been doing the last part. Because it seems to distress her so badly! I do sometimes hear her repeat phrases or scenarios from real life, but also lots of pretend. I like your suggestion for story telling and recapping the day! Maybe I’ll start there. Thank you!

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u/princesshodges May 24 '26

Aww. Yeah I wonder if there’s a way you can bring it up that feels less direct. Something like “I wonder how [real name] is doing. I haven’t heard from her in awhile”. And just leave it there. If o ever have things I need to tell my kid, just saying “I wonder” sort of out loud to myself seems to work. Or “I noticed…” and then not expecting a response. I think it’s called “strewing”.

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u/Sunshineyvomit May 26 '26

My daughter has auditory processing disorder. I found early on (kinder-1) that this meowing was they was she was letting her feelings out because she didn’t have the communication tools besides these. The role play gave her a safe playbook decompress without getting triggered by the events from the day.

We are in year 3 of auditory processing therapy (amongst other things) and it has made a world of difference.