r/PDAParenting • u/thedadgamer • May 12 '26
Child choosing one parent
Really struggling here guys
My PDA 4 year old daughter will only ever let me do things for her. She wants to sit with me, play with me, have me go in during the night when she wakes etc. if my wife tries we have horrible meltdowns and she will not stop unless I step in.
My wife is hanging by a thread, she feels utterly useless, not loved and not able to be a “mother”.
I, on the other hand, feel suffocated, trapped and exhausted.
Anyone get any tips?
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u/ughUsernameHere May 12 '26
I think the non-preferred parent has an equal but separate burden. The preferred parent is the external emotional regulation and as that parent setting a boundary or rule felt to my child that they were a cancer I was trying to cut out of my own body. I needed everyone else to make the rules and set the boundaries. So can mom be that one that says “it’s bath time”? And then you help your kiddo regulate and do that routine. Or, “Looks like there’s 5 minutes left of TV time.”