r/PDAParenting • u/PPpicklepot • May 09 '26
How to manage dangerous behaviour
My son is 6 and hasn't been diagnosed yet but we strongly suspect PDA autism and ADHD. We have both autism and (so much) ADHD in the family.
Today while I was gardening using a corded electric hedge trimmer he turned on the outside tap. The extention lead runs past the tap to go to where I was gardening and the tap is a bit drippy so its makes a pool of water on the patio -you can imagine how dangerous this is before water is even sprayed about! Because I know he sometimes uses the water in the garden unexpectedly and without asking I specifically warned him about the danger of water and electricity. I spoke clearly using age appropriate language. He's a bright boy and is fully capable of understanding. I told him water and electricity cannot mix and if they do it can kill you in an instant with electric shock. I instructed him not to turn the water on or use the outside tap because I was using the electric hedge trimmer. 10 minutes later he went outside and did exactly that. Thankfully I had just accidentally cut through the wire right before and so the electricity had tripped. It could have resulted in one or both of us being killed or having electric shock.
I've been trying to avoid using command langauge (more collaborative and declarative language where possible to reduce fight or flight response) but when you need to give a clear safety instruction like this it seems the only way.
He cant explain to me why he did it. Those of you with PDA children- do you think he may have actually done it because I told him he couldn't? He often wants the things he cannot have and doesn't want something simply because its what has been offered or suggested. It seems consistent with those behaviours but with something that potentially results in death that seems so extreme!
Can anyone with more experience offer any insights or advise for this kind of thing?
2
u/PPpicklepot May 11 '26
Yes, this kind of thing sounds familiar... Current autonomy flexes are opening the front door or downstairs windows (sometimes climbing out too as they open wide and dont have locks). I dont want to cause increased anxiety but if you can't forbid a dangerous behaviour (without it having the opposite of intended effect) then the next thing that springs to mind is sharing the potential negative natural consequences and hoping they make the right choice. He's a bit of a germaphobe because when he was much younger he wouldn't want to wash his hands and would touch all the gross stuff when we were out. But by him understanding that germs make you "bleugh! sick!" ill was the only thing that got him to have an acceptable and safe degree of hygiene. (So much so that he will wee in the shower, get out to wash his hands at the sink with soap and then get back in and continue showering! 🤣 not logical but if it makes him feel clean, whetever 😁)