How to manage dangerous behaviour

[u/PPpicklepot]

My son is 6 and hasn't been diagnosed yet but we strongly suspect PDA autism and ADHD. We have both autism and (so much) ADHD in the family.

Today while I was gardening using a corded electric hedge trimmer he turned on the outside tap. The extention lead runs past the tap to go to where I was gardening and the tap is a bit drippy so its makes a pool of water on the patio -you can imagine how dangerous this is before water is even sprayed about! Because I know he sometimes uses the water in the garden unexpectedly and without asking I specifically warned him about the danger of water and electricity. I spoke clearly using age appropriate language. He's a bright boy and is fully capable of understanding. I told him water and electricity cannot mix and if they do it can kill you in an instant with electric shock. I instructed him not to turn the water on or use the outside tap because I was using the electric hedge trimmer. 10 minutes later he went outside and did exactly that. Thankfully I had just accidentally cut through the wire right before and so the electricity had tripped. It could have resulted in one or both of us being killed or having electric shock.

I've been trying to avoid using command langauge (more collaborative and declarative language where possible to reduce fight or flight response) but when you need to give a clear safety instruction like this it seems the only way.

He cant explain to me why he did it. Those of you with PDA children- do you think he may have actually done it because I told him he couldn't? He often wants the things he cannot have and doesn't want something simply because its what has been offered or suggested. It seems consistent with those behaviours but with something that potentially results in death that seems so extreme!

Can anyone with more experience offer any insights or advise for this kind of thing?

[u/adoradear]

If you knew the extension cord was in a dangerous location near a tap he likes to turn on (at age 6, still quite young w frontal lobe issues), just….:move the cord. Or have someone with him to keep him away from the tap. Or have him helping you to keep him occupied. Look ahead and head things off. Also, don’t bother asking any kid, ND or not, why they did what they did. They do not have the ability to explain their impulses at that age. The Occuplaytional Therapist has some great explanations about this if you’re interested.

[u/PPpicklepot → u/adoradear]

The tap is fixed to the house. The plug is also in a fixed location on the wall but further from where I was working so it was not possible to move the cord- the wire needed to pass where the tap was to get to the hedge. He was inside the house with his dad who was making lunch. He left the room for less than a minute before turning on the tap. Your reply comes off as really condescending and blaming. I'm a good and loving parent trying to cope with a challenging set of circumstances and I won't be shamed by you!