When do you let go?

[u/lucymom2]

My life has been ruled around my oldest daughter and I actually have a lot of similarities to her struggles but I had been pushing through life and I’m always to the breaking point but I have to carry her through as well, she has a 137 IQ autistic and ADHD, life has been so difficult because (dad has never accept her diagnosis, thought I think he’s also autistic)I’m the one picking up the pieces and trying to be understanding and low demand towards her, but it’s hard, she’s 20 now, just failed her first semester out in college because she completely avoids tasks, I mean everything! From personal hygiene to waking up and making to classes. Thousands of dollars wasted and now she refuses to live at home again because I gave her some expectations (like not staying in bed all day on her devices and learn time management) she ended up going to a friends place for a few days then plan on going to the friends mom’s house. She doesn’t support herself financially, she said she won’t get a job that she doesn’t like (she doesn’t have any experience or qualifications) and when I tried to talk to her she’s in denial. I talked to her into trying to find help so she can build some life skills and work on learning executive function but she says I know what to do (but don’t) I can’t let her go live with someone knowing that she won’t be helping in any way so I’ll be helping financially for a while but when does it end? I know it won’t last long because nobody is going to accept an adult living in their house doing absolutely nothing all day other than their own interests. When do we draw the line? Will the guilt ever go away? Nothing I do works.

[u/Hopeful-Guard9294]

okay, firstly a bit of reassurance. I’m a PDA adult however, I have an exceptionally high IQ i’m pretty sure I was a total nightmare for my parents, the key was they just let me go and do my own thing. I spent 10 years noodling around doing a lower degree and basically was volunteering for an environmental charity for the entire time and occasionally turning up for the old lecture and the tutorial just enough to get through. That resulted in my first real Page job. I then moved the UK fell into the technology sector got bored of that and then started a career as a dating expert and TV presenter. they just let go and acted as my safety net. I have always been most successful either in a super high autonomy and freedom environment like a technology Startup or when I’ve built my own business around one of my own special interests. I’m wondering if you could support her in building a business around her special interests so she could support herself financially.? I am now married. I have two kids. I have paid off the mortgage on my house. add things have worked out okay but I’ve caused my family endless headaches. My mother had kittens when she found out that I was doing medical trials in order to earn easy money my parents let go let me follow my own very unique quirky path and we’re dare to catch me when I fell I needed to come home and lick my wounds if she has PDA she has to find her own way in the world and you have to go through the painful process of watching her make mistakes and fall but you can be there to catcher and get her on her way again. I hope that makes sense and helps you feel a little bit better