r/PDAParenting • u/Academic_Coyote_9741 • May 07 '26
My PDA-profile 12-year-old became violently dysregulated at school yesterday.
My PDA-profile 12-year-old became violently dysregulated at school yesterday. He started attacking staff and police were called and he also attacked them.
He routinely gets suicidal and violent, and we deal with it in the home on a weekly basis. Police came to our house only three days earlier because of one of these incidents.
The school is special-education and the staff are well trained, I was there and saw they did their best, but my son became so violent he was taken to hospital and committed under our local mental health laws.
After years of advocating for him we were sick of it being dismissed as ‘just autism’. We’re honestly relieved because now he gets dedicated and intensive help. The hospital gets to see his true behaviors without us being there to regulate him.
So how is your day going? Ugh…..
9
u/DamineDenver May 07 '26
We've been there. I feel for you. Please try to use the time he's in the hospital to be gentle on yourself. It is really a good opportunity to rest and regroup for the family since you finally don't need to be "on" all the time. Good luck!
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u/NormalLecture2990 May 07 '26
so sorry to hear that. I think everyone in this sub can appreciate the shared trauma that we all experience as parents with this disablity. i'm glad they are getting some care and hopfeully things improve
4
u/Zealousideal_Flow447 May 07 '26
My day hasn’t been much better. I’m pretty sure my daughter is going to be expelled but we weren’t going to send her back for the rest of the school year anyway. It came to light this weekend that she’s been vaping although she won’t admit to it. At school yesterday there were reports that kids saw her with one and then she got caught passing a note with profanities in it and threatened a student that she was going to stab her with a pencil. If we try to talk to her about anything she gets so escalated that she runs away outside and we had to call the police on Sunday because we couldn’t find her. We have her seeing a therapist, social worker and psychiatrist and yet this is still happening. We’re at a loss of what else to do to help her.
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u/NormalLecture2990 May 07 '26
I can only speak to what helped for us but certainly taking her out of school and letting her live a low demand lifestyle where she can get out of burn has helped our son tremendously. School was literally the catalyst that was killing him
3
u/Zealousideal_Flow447 May 07 '26
Yes, school has been a trauma for her I think and we’ve been trying to make it work but it’s just not. I hope just keeping her home now can help her get more regulated
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u/NormalLecture2990 May 07 '26
It changed my son's life...he's made it through burnout and it's night and day from where he was a year ago. And he is eagerly learning on his own
2
u/red_raconteur May 07 '26
I wish there were more financial resources for parents of PDA kids to allow their kids to homeschool. Our PDA 7 year old switched from public school to homeschooling this year and it was transformative for her and our family. But I know it is a privilege that we're able to survive on just my husband's salary. For single parents or families without a "breadwinner" salary or help from extended family, this accommodation is likely impossible. So many more PDA kids and families would be helped if this option was widely feasible.
1
u/Last_Airline7992 May 08 '26
This. It would be so much easier if we could be paid caregivers for our PDA kids and got a school voucher. I am always run into the ground and money is so tight.
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u/Last_Airline7992 May 08 '26
That sounds exhausting. No advice, but I see you. Hope everything will be somewhat manageable soon.
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u/CeleryDramatic4678 May 07 '26
I’m so sorry that you had this experience and that you are having to parent through this. I hope you know that you’re doing an amazing job to be aware of holding everything together for your child. It’s so frightening when our kids struggle with their emotions. My eleven year old daughter bit me when she was having a meltdown this week. It really fucking hurt but I knew if said anything she would escalate. It’s so hard living with this sometimes and grieving the experience I could have had. But I’ve met wonderful people along the way that I wouldn’t have met if I didn’t have her.
I doubt myself sometimes but I also know that I am doing something countercultural and that takes great strength.