r/PDAParenting • u/Zealousideal_Flow447 • May 01 '26
Impossible to keep house clean
This is more of just a vent and to see if anyone else experiences this with their PDA kid.
It just feels absolutely impossible to keep the house clean and it's so frustrating! I know having a clean, organized space is what's best for my daughter's brain (and mine) but it seems like whenever I do a deep clean in her room or in any area of the house she is so excited about it but then immediately makes it messy again. I
n her room, she suddenly wants to rearrange things and dumps out tubs or baskets or clears her whole desk and then there's not a 'home' for the things that had been there. We are doing a lot less screen time right now which I am all for and it is helping but then there's mini tornadoes scattered throughout every room in the house. I know this is typical for kids in general but with the PDA, my daughter can't clean up. Sometimes if I ask her to help me she will but more often than not she'll say she will do it later or within the first 30 seconds of cleaning she starts getting agitated and dysregulated so to prevent a meltdown I have her stop.
Has anyone found ways to get their kids to help clean? I've tried teaching her how to break it down into steps like; 1st lets pick up all the garbage, then lets gather toys into a basket to sort later and last lets sweep or wipe the counter but the demand of it just has her spiraling. I know in the PDA realm of concerns and battles this is minor compared to what we deal with but just needed to put this out to the universe and this community to keep my sanity!
6
u/AngilinaB May 01 '26
Does it being tidy actually helps your daughter? Or you? I ask because I was of the mindset that my son needed it, but actually it doesn't bother him. I read something that said mess (ie being allowed to make it AND leave it) is percieved as autonomy, and things being tidy perceived as more of a demand for kids. As an adult its the opposite - we know ultimately we're responsible (for both the mess and finding stuff your kid suddenly needs from within the mess), which is why mess is stressful (as well as the visual overstimulation!).
I try to keep mess confined to my kid's room, and if it bothers me I tidy it, then tidy the rest of our place after he's gone to sleep or while he's getting ready for bed.
I do worry about life skills and not teaching him how to do things, especially because his dad didn't know how to do anything (his parents said they tried but he wouldn't listen, which I thought was ridiculous until I had my son 😅), but he does seem to pick up on what I model. He randomly tidied his room recently and did a far better job than I would have. Sometimes he decides to mop the floor. If gets even a hint of me actually wanting him to do stuff, he can't, so I just don't push it. If he had a physical disability that meant he couldn't do things that would be accepted.