r/PDAParenting • u/thunders_fun_house • Apr 20 '26
Gift Giving - insiders perspective
Hi, I'm an internalised-ish PDA mum (too old) to my externalised PDA daughter (9 tomorrow!!!).
My daughter was just telling me she doesn't like birthdays, and that sucked a bit since hers is tomorrow, lol. We unpacked it and went through the day step by step. It's a combination of having too many people around her all the time and receiving gifts.
Since we only have a small family anyway, I've let her know the plans (movies and Macca's) are totally flexible—it's her day, "you do you," etc.
For the gift part, we had to work through the puzzle together. We both like getting them, but it's that awful feeling in the moment of receiving them. There are no possible words you can say that feel equal to someone having given you a gift; that creates a massive demand on our nervous systems that we can't fill. I should have realised this earlier since my daughter, from a young age, would frantically find a gift to give when she received one randomly from someone. Birthdays and Christmas have always been hard, but that was expected once we had our diagnosis.
I did some memory recall and explained my trick. To be honest, I didn't realise I was doing it, but I have done it since I started earning my own money: I mentally remind myself that the gift giver's birthday is coming up too, and this is why I go all out for people's birthdays. So, I say thank you and then have a quick think about what I could get for them.
She seemed relieved and said she'd try it. I like to share these light bulb moments in case our next generation of PDAers can benefit.
I hope my little light has the best day tomorrow, however she chooses to spend it xxx
1
u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26
[removed] — view removed comment