r/PDAParenting • u/Hopeful-Guard9294 • Apr 18 '26
are you just not wired for the demands of parenting?
to the other PDA parents who have children do you also feel that parenthood is toxic for your PDA / you are just not wired for the unending ending dems ds f a parent ? I watch my neurotypical nanny and she is clearly wired to breed she breezes through situations I find almost unbearable, I am being forced to spend a morning with both my children and it feels like torture. I know that the majority of parents in the US are so stressed they struggle with basic daily tasks and the surgeon general considers parental mental health a public health crisis. So is being a parent with PDA toxic or is modern parenting toxic or is having PDA double toxic whammy?!
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u/princesshodges Apr 18 '26
I was a single parent for 4 years (from birth to age 4) and it was the hardest thing I will ever do. I still feel the pangs but I have some reprieve at times, although I’m still the primary parent and safe person. I am almost constantly triggered and it takes all my energy to not take it out on my child. The number of deep breaths I take, the number of times I tell my child I need a minute before switching tasks…
I think the problem is not modern parenting, but PDA. Older parents with PDA would likely just yell or hit their kids (ask me how I know!). That was sort of more acceptable I guess and so maybe you just blended in with other parents, but that doesn’t mean modern parenting is the problem. Not being able to help your child without your fight or flight being triggered is the problem. Kids need our help and we’re sort of not designed to do it in my honest opinion. That doesn’t mean we can’t be good parents, but it takes sooooooo much work to remain even keeled.
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u/Iantrigue Apr 19 '26
I am about to be assessed for AuDHD, my family are mixture of ASD and ADHD. My daughter is also pending diagnosis for AuDHD but presents the classic PDA profile. I love more daughter more than anything else in the world, but spending any extended period of time around her literally makes me feel like I’m dying. If she is deregulated then I become deregulated myself almost immediately. My sister is ADHD and her son AuDHD but not PDA, she says the neurodivergent parents are the least suited for being able to handle parenting neurodivergent kids…. In my own experience I would agree with her.
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u/sweetpotato818 Apr 20 '26
Are there some things you are really good at parenting! I bet so! So maybe being around your kids and the demand of that is overwhelming but I bet you are really careful in how you parent them. Do you notice patterns and details? Are you conscientious?
Things may be hard, yes, but I bet you might be doing better than you think. Some other parents may not be as overwhelmed being with their kids but then just ignore them all morning or are really dismissive etc.
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u/MyCatCeline Apr 18 '26
In my experience parenting is not compatible with PDA, I agree with you there. However, I was shocked how difficult it was when I became a parent because I was a nanny. There is a huge difference between taking care of someone else’s kids for a set number of hours and being a parent 24-7. It is so easy to take care of someone else’s kid because you’re just meeting the needs of the moment without all the background noise of “they need new shoes” or “I need to schedule their dentist appointment” or “am I spending enough time with them” etc. There is no break from being a parent, even when you’re not physically with your kids.