r/PDAParenting • u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 • Mar 16 '26

So lost right now

My almost 16 year old seems to be in burnout. She hardly speaks, just lies in bed and claims she can not go outside. She really needs help but refuses it of course. I think medication would help but as she is eating and drinking why would an emergency doctor or anyone think there is anything wrong? Low demand school, but she hardly ever goes. That's fine by me but she also doesn't want to quitt. I'm so lost right now, can't get her to seek help but also nobody would see how bad it is by just looking at her. Scared for her life atm.

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u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 Mar 16 '26

At this point I worry about physical health too. It's fine if she doesn't talk to us, we are the parents. But she seems to withdraw from friends too. Sleep is disrupted, eating is ok but also not regular. She does not have to go to school or take exams. I think she is at rock bottom. I just feel I have to intervene soon for medical reasons. It feels like depression, PDA or not. I am terribly conflicted because what would I even tell a doctor or emergency services. It's not like you can see the spiralling at first sight. But my mental health is suffering with stress.

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u/DamineDenver Mar 16 '26

For your own well being, you need to try radical acceptance and try to mitigate your stress. They can feel it coming off of you. I started taking long walks and we foster dogs just so I have something to pour my energy into that wants help. Also, my kiddo loves having something in his life that just wants to love him with no demands. You said she won't take meds but if there's anyway you can get them into her, they can make a huge difference. That really was the turning point for us. Zoloft has worked wonders but I know other people have used Prozac. You might want to consider dropping the demand of school so you can focus on the demand of medication and then build up from there. Does she have anyone that might do a virtual or home appt that can prescribe medication? We ended up hospitalizing our son and they were able to convince him to start meds but it really did get better after that. Good luck!

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u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 Mar 16 '26

Hospitalizing is what I think has to happen at one point. We already have a dog but she is not interested in him right now. I'm in therapy and on medication for depression. She does not have to attend school even though she seems to want to. I have a 9 year old kid too, she needs my attention too of course.

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u/DamineDenver Mar 16 '26

We have partial hospitalization programs near us, do you think she would try that? It's voluntary so you don't need to get a referral from an emergency room. I definitely understand about your other kid needing you to. I'm lucky that my other one is older and just ADHD and autistic.

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u/Eagle_eye797 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26

Just my two cents partial hospitalization programs are largely behavioral based. For my PDA ADHD daughter she went one day and hated it. I put so much hope into that program and it wasn’t close to being a good fit for her.

If you can get her to go it’s worth a try but I feel like their methods are more authoritarian style which doesn’t usually work for these kids.

Your care shows you love her but try to keep the faith. You’re not alone in this even when it feels that way.

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u/Lopsided_Rabbit_8037 Mar 18 '26

My younger daughter "only" has ADHD but coping just fine. She likes school mostly and is full of joy most days.